Apr 072012

M1WROM Version 0.4

  1. Title: dedicated romance-friends™ terms M1WROM http://1.JotHere.com/2754#M1WROM
  2. definition:
    1. M1XEI5: How to describe & think-of this romantic relationship
      1. M1XF6I: when it’s possible to give a URL,
        1. M1XF7J: give the URL to the web page giving the present agreement between the parties involved.
          1. M1XFA4: Why? By design, this spells it out exactly and as best as possible.
      2. M1XFFO: when one needs to immediately describe it,
        1. M1XFGN: Use the following wording, saying as much as can be included where truncating on-the-right:
          1. M1XFHX: “We are dedicated romance-friends™, according to terms M1WROM. Specifically starting date ___ we legally-signed-to & happily-follow terms M1WROM which exactly spell out in writing the full rules & mindset of our romance, something which even most marriages don’t even have. This much greater definition, strictness, clear boundaries, and careful responsibilities for our romance, then enable us to have a much-more serious & deeper romance, including notably more honesty and TRUE love, plus more freedoms especially RESPONSIBLE romantic non-exclusivity -which here is really everyone’s responsibility of being responsibly romantically inclusive (as remember loving is overall inclusive, not exclusive!), plus notably more dedication to each other –indeed enabling & resulting-in more dedication by being a romance TRULY & ACTUALLY based on friendship so TRUE love, instead of defining basing & defining the relationship on sex and to suit jealousy, the leading romantic anti-love. For complete details, see our romantic agreement at URL ___.”
      3. M1XEJ3: Why important? Because this type of relationship is rare and typically un-imagined, so much care must be exercised in describing it
        1. M1XEON: Why? To insure participants & especially others:
          1. M1XERR: take the relationship seriously and respect the relationship
          2. M1XESZ: don’t have mis-descriptions & mis-impressions of it, such as:
            1. M1XEUJ: casually describing or thinking about it about it by casually using the term/concept romantically (“open” or “non-exclusive”) so
            2. M1XF1T: misthink the romance, sex, and/or relationship is “casual”, “not serious”, “not deep”, and “not dedicated” (when in fact the complete opposite is true, including it would be hard to be more-serious)
    2. M1X11Y: See the amount of “true love” and the amount of romance & sex, including NOT confuse the two.
      1. M1X0SB: Realize that romance, the feelings of sex, and “being in love”
        1. M1X191: is NOT true love
        2. M1X107: is a drug, indeed my favorite drug, and likely the most powerful natural drug for bi-sexed creatures (beyond daily survival).
          1. M1X1MO: so as any powerful drug, it can seriously delude the drugged person, including causing terrible & hurtful decisions, so needs to be carefully managed.
      2. M1X14G: Realize true love
        1. M1X1BK: is essentially just “wanting what’s best for”
        2. M1X1BX: (so) is general, not at all specifically having to do with sex & romance
          1.  M1X1VS:indeed, hormones and common social programmings drive us to NOT actually treat our romances as friends, so then sex & romance is actually where true love is commonly absent  –unless we  consciously work hard to add “true love” back in.
    3. M1XIUM: truly love all as best as you can: “true love” all as best as you can.
    4. M1XIIX: On being honest & open:
      1. M1XIJD: true love is always limited to the degree to which honesty & openness is constructively possible.
        1. M1XIOJ: Why? Where not honest & open, the witnesses cannot generally know (by definition), and without knowing, it’s almost certain one will NOT achieve “what’s best for” regardless of how much anyone “wants” to.
        2. M1XIZS: Therefore, to truly love all as best as you can,
          1. M1XJ0Z: Respond to honesty and openness as constructively as possible.
            1. M1XJ2B: starting with remembering by default we are often destructive when the truth is something we really don’t like and/or really don’t understand.
          2. M1XJ84: Be open & honest as much as possible but no more
            1. M1XJC0: specifically to the degree any further exposure would cause else reasonably-likely-cause (unavoidable long-term net destruction, notably from witnesses behaving long-term deconstructively in a way which could not be overall undone).
            2. M1XJFI: and beyond this point,
              1. M1XJHF: avoid being open,
              2. M1XJHM: and where forced to be open, (avoid being honest=lie) but only to the minimal degree necessary.
      2. The degree to which honesty & openness is impossible is the degree to which
    5. M1WZQ4: romance-friends™; meaning romance truly & actually based on friendship; so meaning in romance, the friendship is always foremost; so meaning what one would do in healthy friendship determines & IS what one does in romance, which is often NOT what adults commonly do in romance; so sex & romance become just another activity (like shopping or football) that friends can constructively do.
      1. M1WZWY: –easy to say and commonly said by adults, but extremely hard & rare for adults to actually do: yes, kindergardners could do and with probably no problem, but it’s typically impossible adults (except the very well trained) as adults acquire many romantic hormones & mis-teachings, some mentioned here, which cause them to stop being friends to each other in romance, so only a handful of adults actually do romance-truly-based-on-friendship and even know that really means.
      2. M1XH1X: actually & truly bases the romance on friendship, unlike all other romance forms (from monogamy (or really the appearance of it), to Don’t-As-Don’t-Tell, polygamy to swinging, to even polyamory) which all base the romance on sex, as good sex can last an hour but good friendship can last a lifetime.
        1. M1XHLX: All other romance forms simply define themselves in terms of how many sex partners each sex can have and under what condition.
        2. M1XHNF: But romance-friends™ is defined in terms of friendship, specifically “romance truly & actually based on friendship”, which is itself a full complete definition, as then it (friendship) then determines & IS effectively every important rule and mindset for what “what one does in romance”.
        3. M1Z8Z0: Moreover, all other romance forms, except for just romance-friends™ and polyamory, are also defined around jealousy, the leading romantic anti-love,
          1. M1Z98C: in that limit and/or hide the # of sex/romance partners and/or type of romance for women or for both sexes, in order to cater to the mate’s jealousy, the leading romantic anti-love,
          2. M1Z98M: instead of being defined according to true love=”wanting what’s best for” for one’s partner, yes, even if the giver has hangups to fix as notably jealousy, the leading romantic anti-love.
    6. M1X3ZG:  All parties are dedicated to being healthily romantic with each other, specifically:
      1. M1X4CG: the romance and sex with each other in terms of
        1. M1X4IN: hours per week:
          1. M1X4M4: must be no less than
            1. M1X4MX: 2 hours
            2. M1X4MG: 1/2 of what it was the prior week
        2. M1X4PP: maximum intensity
          1. M1X585: must be no less than
            1. M1X595: Romantically (hugging, hand- & waist-holding, kissing on the lips, and lying together)
            2. M1X5F1: 1/2 of what it was the prior week
      2. M1X4QD: the relationship cannot be hidden (beyond applicable governmental-laws (on nudity & public-decency))
        1. M1X4W8: via words
        2. M1X4XD: via pictures, sounds, & gestures except in pure-business situations
        3. M1X5LL: especially from others a party could-be or are sexual-or-romantic with except before any romantic (kissing or gentle contact) with them.
        4. M1XI3T: except as limited by Be open & honest as much as possible but no more.
        5. M1XHYX: Why?
          1. M1XI2U: essentially because “Friends don’t hide friends from friends.”
      3. M1X65R: No party can be involved with anyone where somebody isn’t respecting this relationship including its terms.
      4. M1X45N: to be continued
    7. M1WXLS: All creatures, especially humans (which are currently strongest and supposedly the smartest), should learn from bonobo chinpanzees (who really do live making love-not-war, and are female-ruled) and continuously work to realize & internalize that:
      1. M1WZAM: romantic jealousy is NOT romantic love but romantic anti-love, specifically romantic-selfishness which biologically serves no other purpose other than to selfishly insure maximum copies of oneself (which then are also romantically jealous, so then just fight & hurt more to also selfishly insure copies of themselves, so are NOT better offspring but actually worse),
      2. M1WZCJ: so then, especially if romance is to be truly based on friendship, seek to remove & despise romantic jealousy and where-possible replace it with (the opposite=compersion), just as humans traditionally & commonly seek to remove & despise stealing and where-possible replace it with (the opposite=giving).
    8. M1WWLP: Men especially should learn from women especially that:
      1. M1WZD5: casual sex & romance is easily & often hurtful
      2. M1WZDN: so then, especially if romance is to be truly based on friendship, where that hurtfulness is the case, casual sex & romance should not be done.
    9. M1WWTY: Women especially should learn from men especially that:
      1. M1WZEO: one can, at the same time, truly love a few sex & romance partners (indeed many-if-not-most men do this instinctively, which then empowers men to simultaneously have multiple “wives”),
      2. M1WZHD: and especially if romance is to be truly based on friendship, then just
        as one should have multiple friends simultaneously to the degree one can respectfully manage that,
        so one should also have multiple romances simultaneously to the degree one can respectfully manage that.
        1. M2029F: ALERT: If the simultaneous romances are serious & deep (like multiple husbands), this appears to give women more power over men than seemingly anything else she could do.
          1. M202DN: Men are caught totally-off-guard, because they would never imagine a woman capable of respectfully pulling this off (see history).
          2. M202G6: Men reveal their deepest secrets to their woman (which is NOT their cocks, but their politics, their power aspirations, and their fears)
          3. M202JQ: By involving herself so with several powerful men/mates, a woman can then get the global picture that no man can (as both the prosecution’s & defense’s secrets) and smart woman then start taking over —at least 2 have taken over countries.
        2. M200Z4: WARNING: women especially, before attempting more than 1 simultaneous romance/sex partner, get good training for this! Indeed certification would be apropos.
          1. M2012X: Role models
            1. M2052U: both sexes
              1. M20527: http://open.salon.com/blog/vzn/2010/05/01/most_famous_open_marriages_celebrities_some_surprises lists dozens, BUT some are bad role models.
            2. M20143: women
              1. M20159: Extremely rare: possibly less than 1 woman 1000, maybe much less. Maybe as few as 1 notable every 1000 years.
              2. M20167: Veronica Franco of the 1500s.  –as a consequence, saved her country Italy from take over by France and I-understand started to effectively rule Italy before the other leaders (all men) then tried her as a witch but she still talked them out of it.
              3. M2019G: Cleopatra VII of ~50BC. –as a consequence, ruled a then leading world country (Egypt) 2000 years before even America got a woman president (indeed Hilary wasn’t elected; America STILL hasn’t had one!); yet Cleopatra did it 2000 years ago!
              4. M204IL: Polyandry cases –though I don’t endorse any polygamy long term notably due to its sexism.
              5. M201H0: example of typical disasters here:
                1. M201I2: Samatha Jones (Sex and the City): thinking she’s imitating men with multiple short-lived physical-only sex partners (yes, she’s imitating the multiple 1-night-stands & adulteries; but totally missing the multiple wives!)
                2. M201XD: The typical prostitute who is unhappy about her work: as sex is no longer emotional with the men, so she looses all her power & connections she could be acquiring.
              6. M201DG: Don’t recall any others
            3. M201A3: men
              1. M201AD: myself
              2. M201B4: among polyamorous men; example
              3. M2042C: Polygyny men, including 7 famous.
                1. M2043W: Note I recommend against polygamy because of its sexism (literally male-centered), but it’s sexism is logical for least short term due to women having serious problems doing the same.
              4. M201DX: More to be found & added
        3. M2003A: ALERT: Without going into the sociobiology fully explaining why, as for respectfully managing more than 1 simultaneous romance/sex partner, it appears instinctively:
          1. M20066: men typically have good potential & desire to do this, and can do it well provided only certain rules are placed in that they are not allowed to disrespect anyone.
          2. M20073: without strong training, women typically desire NOT do this (instead insist on only 1 mate simultaneously) and when doing this (by choice or force) are disasterious with it, likely hurting everyone including herself; she will likely:
            1. M200SN: especially hurt & likely leave their mate who gave her the idea and/or option
            2. M200TP: quickly hurt & leave all her partners, thinking then the relationships are just sex and physical, and probably morally bad
            3. M200WE: feel disgusted and ashamed of herself and act recklessly in romance.

    10. M1ZXTD: M1ZXTD: No party can acquire a child, by birth, adoption, custody transfer, or any way, unless all parties to be responsible for this child are in written legal agreement to acquire & accept-responsibility for this exactly-specified child.
      1. M1ZZ7A: The exact child is specified by
        1. M1ZZ9N: if acquiring via birth, specifying all biological parents exactly plus date of conception within 1 month.
        2. M1ZZPM: if acquiring by non-birth, specifying full legal name, Date-of-birth, governmental ID, and when-possible DNA.
      2. M1ZXYC: To prevent acquiring a child (which is not agreed so), steps must be done to prevent it
        1. M1ZZJ2: including
          1. M1ZY5N: contraception, of at least 1 level, must be used at all times.
          2. M1ZY75: a conceived child must be aborted
          3. M1ZY82: a child born must be handed over to other parties not in this agreement to fully care for & be responsible for the childcare for it
            1. M1ZZW2: such as fully handing over the child to an adoption agency for its adoption
        2. M1ZZKA: but failure to do this will NOT affect M1ZYA1.
      3. M1ZYA1: M1ZYA1: For every breach (of this rule M1ZXTD), every party which did not give this written agreement for the child will have 0 responsibility for the child.
        1. M1ZYED: Note with M1WVBI, this rule overrides overrides & replaces present US law
          1. M1ZYKX: which I hear says that the biological father is responsible for the child simply if he & the biological mother conceived the child thru their having sex
          2. M1ZYM2: so now the father bears 0 responsibility unless agreeing per M1ZXTD .
    11. M1ZVRY: Enforcement:
      1. M1ZWM7: Concepts:
        1. M1ZWMQ: a-party’s-weekly-contribution
        2. M1ZWOC: the-agreement-fund
        3. M1ZWT6: not-at-fault-amount
          1. M1ZWWB: measures how much someone (as a party) is not-at-fault (for some violation/breach)
          2. M1ZWXH: generally a % from 0 to 100%
      2. M1ZVSK: At the start of each week this contact is valid, every party puts a-party’s-weekly-contribution into the-agreement-fund.
      3. M1ZVZI: At the termination (of this agreement), after all amounts due to & from the-agreement-fund have been done, the entire remaining contents is to be immediately evenly divided among each party else the party’s successor.
      4. M1ZWF3: (At the end of each week this agreement is valid) and (at the termination (of this agreement) if not the time), for every breach of this agreement,
        1. M1ZWSG: a-party’s-weekly-contribution is removed from the-agreement-fund and divided among every party weighted by the party’s not-at-fault-amount.
        2. M1ZXP6: each rule/term can also specify can also specify its own penalties when violated.
          1. M1ZXRZ: Unless specified otherwise, these penalties are additional, not replacements.
    12. M1ZW3Z: termination (of this agreement)
      1. M1ZW5K: The terms here will expire fully & automatically in any of:
        1. M1WW66: the end of the agreement’s duration IFF the agreement has not been extended.
        2. M1ZWA2: if any party dies or (is legally disabled/incapacitated over 50% of his/her entry ability/capacity)
    13. M1WVBI: M1WVBI=The terms here take priority over all other terms, including existing government laws (including city, state, federal, & international laws), except where the other terms (all must apply):
      1.  M1WVIQare subsequently agreed by the same parties in legal writing
      2. M1WW0Wsay they override specifically these terms including specifying these terms’ agreement/enactment (ID else (key parameters including terms ID and date-&-time of enactment and parties involved)
    14. M1ZXGE: arbitration
      1. M1ZXGY: TBA.
    15. M1WVAO:  more to be added
  3. Additional document history, in order
    1. M1WUOR: ~1.5yrs ago on I think http://blogger.LoveRules.Info, I started an earlier, unpublished-I-think draft of a document for the same purpose.
    2. M1WUSE: Now I’m the situation of starting & spelling-out a long-term romance with annie, and Sunday night my spelling out my reasoning-so-terms with her verbally, and on Monday afternoon she SMSing me her terms; but neither of these are formalized but formalization is generally best for a long-term  productive relationship.
    3. M1WV0F: So yesterday ~4pm I started thinking up this post and what it should contain
    4. M1WV2A: and (a few minutes ago=the time of ID M1WUOD) I created this post with fresh ID M1WROM