Apr 172012
 
 Posted by on UTC 2012.04.17Tue at 04:28 romance differences between the sexes M2LF1B  Add comments

M2LFF2 Version 1.0

  1. M2LFO6: Title & URL: Normal speed to correctly answer “Could s/he reliably turn me on sexually & how much?”: women: days-to-months, men: ~1 second http://1.JotHere.com/2843#M2LFF2
  2. M2LFYC: Thesis
    1. M2M4UD: What? See the title.
    2. M2M4VF: Why this is true?
      1. M2M4WW:  Logical.  The root motive of every evolutionary step: natural selection fitness or as I say, “What causes the maximum number of offspring (which also reproduce)”
      2. M2M4VZ: for men:
        1. M2M7NE: The get the maximum number of offspring (copies of himself), a man must know only a few very few things when evaluating a mate, as in typically (even today sadly) he does NOT need to stick with her at all after sex to still end up with a copy of himself, and if she does or his kid dies, no big deal for him (biologically) as he can just have sex with another woman in as little as 5 minutes, and do this every day! (yes, nature is cruel; this is NOT love, but maximal reproduction).
          1. M2M7T7: So to evaluate his mate,
            1. M2M8A6: Almost the reverse of a woman, he doesn’t need to worry much about safety as
              1. M2M8E1: he’s typically physically notably stronger than her; he could hurt or kill her but the reverse seems notably less likely.
              2. M2M8EC: sex won’t get him pregnant (which can be enormously burdensome & even deadly), just her
              3. M2M8FE: he is about 1/3rd as likely to get a disease from sex and to be harmed by carrying a disease, seemingly because while she has a whole vagina full of sensitive skin plus the outer skin is sensitive and gets inserted into (sometimes brutally), he only has his tiny penis hole with sensitive skin & nothing is inserted into it.
            2.  M2M7U2: What is there left that the man need evaluate & determine? -almost nothing!
              1. M2M7WP: First, can I get a hard-on from looking at this mate?
              2. M2M7XN: And second, how much more can I get a hard-on from looking at this mate? 
                1. M2M8WW: and only if wants to bother thinking here, as he can put this off to later by simply lying to her now that she’s the only woman in the world for him, which, if simply said right, is a lie most women happily gobble up due to likely the biggest thing a woman needs to learn & accept when it comes to romance & sex. However, he does often think about this question, too, as women & females are typically ambiently sexually unavailable (for their survival) so she is often hard-to-get, so then he has to think about this question to see if his hard-ons will make her worth that trouble.
                2. M2M8NN: can I get hard-on just once or twice then be tired of this mate? (so then she is certainly only a 1-night stand)
                3. M2M8NU: Or will looking at her give me a hard-on say once a month? (a low priority mistress=dependable sex when you’ve got nothing better)
                4. M2M8O5: or maybe once-or-twice a week (a high-priority mistress or, if she’s also good with kids & can tolerate her, a wife (1 of a few)).
              3. M2M8OE: –Pretty ugly, but again, nature is cruel.
            3. M2M7V5: How long does this take?
              1. M2M7W7: Well men have gotten good at it doing it for ~3 million years, and males have gotten good it doing it for about 1 billion, so about 1 second to get an exact answer for Question 1 plus a pretty good answer to Question 2.
            4.  know two things when evaluating a mate:
        2. M2M58J: Empirical
          1. M2M59F: M2M59F: I am a man, and when I fully see a potential adult mate in typical form and in  the nude or when where I can reasonably project what the nude would look like, and ideally with a tad of typical movement & gestures & maybe talk, I can determine my long term sexual & romantic interest in her in about 1/4 second, but no more than a few seconds.
            1. M2M5HO: Moreover, provided this mate remains physically the same (as doesn’t age or get deformed), my sexual & romantic interest in this mate
              1. M2M5LU: M2M5LU: will never significantly increase (let’s say as I get to know her personality, emotions, intellect), quite unlike what happens with women here.
              2. M2M5M7: however it will decrease in these cases:
                1. M2M5NM: she has bad values or behaves destructively: can cause a 100% loss of sexual attraction and even repulsion.
                2. M2M5OG: M2M5OG: she overloads me on her (will cause ~50% decrease), most especially if she prohibits:
                  1. M2MDWR: me from being seriously romantic with a few other women
                  2.  M2MDYO: (for the typical man, if HE rating her sexually for him) (if she prohibits)
                    him from being romantic & sexual with a number of other women per his desire M2MDK2
          2.  M2M5SP: I’ve described my feeling to ~30 other men, some randomly chosen, and they pretty much agree 95%, at least with all parts except some variation on the last part M2M5OG .
            1. M2M6HZ: For instance, I once asked a group of ~15 young men
              1. M2M6BV: (to M2M59F) ~”How long does it take you to assess your mate sexually after you’ve gotten a full good look the body?”. About 85% said instantly. The rest said “Well I get more turned on after she gets to know me & is into me” but on further questioning, these men admitted this was a defense mechanism; they new instantly how turned on they would be from her but we’re in fact telling themselves to minimize or dismiss that (if it was high) so not to get themselves hurt in the frequent case then that he wouldn’t be able to get her. So in fact a near 100% were indeed able to accurately judge instantly.
              2. M2M6C6: (to test M2M5LU) ~”After you really got to know your mate beyond the physical, sure you may have wanted to be with her because she was a good person or friend, but did your sexual attraction to her ever significantly increase from your first assessment?”  Only 1 of these men said yes, and only for 1 of the about 20 women he had dated. So that put the likelihood of this happening about 3%=(1/(15*20)).
            2. M2M6IQ: I have known only 1 “exception” to M2M5LU (my best friend in high school), but in his case he was so abused by his parents he actually had no idea who he was (though sure acted as if did), yet even despite this, his was not an exception here: has he STILL did know, and know instantly his sexual attraction to the woman (Betsey) who he eventually married, it was just reversed: instead of instantly most liking her he instantly most hated her.  So the truth is, I really have seen no good exception here!
              1. M2M7C2: but this was from a man who was actually so abused & emotionally unstable that he had no idea who even he was at the time (tried to be someone he wasn’t) and only turned around after he had unsuccessfully try to kill himself.
              2. M2M6QQ: The full story: My best friend in high school (David) despised a particular girl (Betsy), indeed oddly would go out of his way to brutally insult her, and would try to date women (and seemingly very seriously in his pursuit of them) which didn’t remotely look nor act like her nor have her religion. However, a few years after college, he tried to commit suicide and then Betsy came to his bedside, so he decided to marry her, and they were together for at least a few years and had at least 1 kid; I don’t know if the are still together.  Why? Well his very Jewish parents had abuse him while treating his sister as as a princess; as a result, he hated everything Jewish (and was constantly acting out & protesting everything, even the ridiculous, but always seriously believing in his cause). Well this girl Betsy, who always wanted David romantically, was very Jewish (indeed even then went to rabbinical) school, so he wanted nothing to do with her and despised her (probably because she reminded him of his parents who abused him but whom he could not escape).
              3. M2M77D: But of course this case is extreme: as since David didn’t even know who he was and was acting out (having his childhood crushed by his parents), then it is not at all surpising that he couldn’t accurately judge his sexual attraction to a mate. Though on deeper case, in this case the man (David) still did accurately judge, it was just reverse: instead of most liking Besty, he instead most hated her.
              4. M2MDHR: On the last point M2M5OG, men’s answers vary, but that doesn’t affect any of other points made here.
                1. M2MDK2: M2MDK2: Per what would create for them maximum children, it seems most men desire simultaneously ~4 wives (what the 2nd largest religion in the world, Islam, provides for) plus ~10 varying fling (1-night stand) women.
                  1. M2MDNZ:  But they also aren’t stupid & realize society and especially other women won’t stand for this. So they often:
                    1. M2MDQ1: Avoid talking about this, except perhaps with other men who could understand them & they really trust.
                    2. M2MDR2: Deny to others & sometimes even themselves, that they have these feelings.
                2. M2MEDE: however a very few men (~5% each):
                  1. M2MEDZ: aren’t really that interested in sex at least to put up the stresses of finding & keeping a mate
                  2. M2MEFU: are actually happy with just 1 mate at a time
                    1. M2MEIH: note though these men are in such high demand by gay men and especially straight women that they are mostly instantly taken by high school or college, so shouldn’t be counted on.
          3. M2MBOV: As is well known, men sexually rate mates so much it is well known to be a past-time among men
            1. M2MBWM: the classic sexual rating scale is “on scale from 0 to 10”
            2. M2MBQH: The talk can often go something like this: “What’s she over there?” “Oh, she’s an 8?”  “And her?” “Oh that’s a 3 -yuck!”. “And her there?” “Wow. now SHE’s a 10!”
      3. M2M96A: for women
        1. M2M97N: Logical.
          1. M2M980: notably the reverse of men, sex is very dangerous & even deadly for a woman. Not so much in the last ~30 years but for all 3million years before that, so regardless of reality, her wiring says No.  All of the following:
            1. M2M9JG: the serious sex-act safety factors mentioned,
            2. M2M9K1: she can’t hunt wild bores when she’s 8 months pregnant,
            3. M2M9KJ: she can be killed via child birth,
            4. M2M9KR: she typically burdened to with raising the child for at least 5 years before it has any chance to live on its own.
            5. M2M9L9: And while in the last ~30 years  pretty much all these dangers have been removed (including via condoms, hospitals, abortion, adoption, welfare, even anti-sexual harassment & -offenders, etc), her body is still wired to believe these dangers.
          2. M2M9P2: So, for her survival, the woman is wired to
            1. M2MA4G: be ambiantly somewhat against sex, probably more than most females as with a human she can have just 1 at a time, it can be deadly, and a human child is the most burdensome (takes the most years raising of any child in nature, indeed today by several times).
            2. M2MA4M: and to only have her sex drive for a mate to turn on only
              1. M2MA6M: after she’s really determined he is a long time prospect for her as a mate and father including the ability & interest in helping her raise the offspring she would have with him, and protecting & supporting her especially during this dangerous task for her.
              2. M2MA84: she has had sex with him (once or a few times, where there is a fair chance she could get pregnant if no contraception), which then (in at least some women) causes her (but not in him) to release oxytocin, the “love drug” causing her to attach,  likely even he is an asshole AND cheats on her, because her body doesn’t know birth control  so thinks ~”I must be pregnant by him so need to keep him with me as likely no one else, especially no other mate for me, is going to  protect & help me so I can survive my pregnancy and then help me raise this kid”
            3. M2M9VP: Indeed, if a woman was born with sex on her mind and promiscuous as men do, women’s dangers of sex her dangers from sex would have ended (killed) her  and her kids.
          3. M2M9Z8: So the normal woman can’t well judge her sexual attraction, at least not for a long time, as for  her own protection (see that for details),
            1. M2MAKC:  she is not only only ambiantly turned off sexually but turned somewhat negative against sex
            2. M2MALV: She only is only sexually turned on (so feels clearly sexual for her mate) only AFTER either:
              1. M2MAVM: determining positive something MUCH harder to judge: his long term potential as both a mate and father of her children
              2. M2MAXI: actually having sex with him where she could get pregnant if no contraception
        2. M2MB04: Emperical
          1. M2MB15: Ask nearly any woman about M2M5LU, notably “after you got to know some mate beyond the physical, as emotional, personality, and intellectual, did your sexual & romantic attraction for your mate increase?”. Her answer generally be “absolutely it’s happened, indeed it happens all the time, that’s normal!”, the marked reverse of what men answer here: that it practically never happens.
          2. M2MB9P:  One may even hear a woman say “Well at first I hated him, but now we’re getting married!”. But if a man said this (“Well at first I hated her, but now we’re getting married?”, other men buddies would likely stare at him in shock & disbelief  and say to him “Are you just marrying for her money or power? Else why are you lying? To romance the women? Or do you really have some sort of freaky woman gene? –as we thought you were a man, and men know their sexual attraction instantly!”.
        3. M2MBI6: Consequences:
          1. M2MBKD: Women, know your limitations here & don’t casually go against this, as you’ll probably people probably especially yourself.
            1. M2MBMA: Especially in this age of the increasingly liberated women, many many many (most) women see men making these quick judgements sexually rating mates so then not surprisingly casually try to do it themselves, and tragically believe they are doing it right, but in fact the woman’s ratings here are typically not remotely as accurate and definitely not as long-lived as the men, but the women have no idea that such accuracy & permanence is even possible, so then start taking their mate ratings seriously, creating disasters
              1. M2MCU6: such a woman casually sexually rates some potential mate:
                1. M2MC9M: a 3, so never goes out with him, when in fact if she just discovered his personality & intellect & caring, he would turn out to be her future husband and man of her dreams.
                1. M2MCBI:  a 10, because he’s a super-muscular man, and she feels she is going to behave like men and first look just at the physical, and indeed his muscules DO turn her on a bit.  So then, also trying to imitate the men, she jumps in bed with him,  so then her oxytocin kicks in and she starts becoming real attached to him, but then she starts seeing, not surprising with all these stupid women running after him, he’s an arrogant asshole and even cheats on her, many times, every time she comes back to him, now driven by her oxytocin, and ends up getting real hurt and scared, possibly then hating men & romance for years after, or even permanently, because the very man she found the most attractive was the very one which hurt her the most, long forgetting & never getting it was her mistake: that one day she decided to be liberated by act like a man when she wasn’t and just follow her immediate sexual urges.
              2. M2MBIN: Don’t causally go against mother nature -you’ll probably loose bad!
            2. M2MCVB:  In contrast to the common way, there is I believe a SAFE way a woman CAN learn to be able to more quickly judge a mate sexually
              1. M2MCYZ: probably NEVER as fast a men do (just like a woman expecting to grow a penis) but somewhat faster, maybe notably faster
              2. M2MCZ9: but only after many years of training.
              3. M2MFEA: The method principle is to gradually (only 25% change each time) to increase or decrease her normal weight with how much her initial sexual rating plays a role in her romantic decisions proportionate to how accurate her ratings here have been based on on comparing this initial guess with the real amount when & if experienced it.
              4. M2MCZQ: The method works as follows:
                1. M2MEWQ:  set sex-rating-reweight to 1.
                2. M2MEXH: Repeat indefinitely
                  1. M2MD0X:  The woman quickly rates the mate’s sexual attraction as a man would (see 1st point of M2M59F)
                  2. M2MENY: The woman remembers this rating (writing it down is ideal) but then multiplies it by sex-rating-reweight then weighs that as her normal weight for the sex in making her romantic decisions about this mate, including 0 if the sexual would NOT normally be considered by her at this point.
                  3. M2MER3: Once she’s been having regular sex with this mate (if that develops), THEN she goes back and compares her sexual attraction now(and remember, just the sex part, not the other things about her mate), call this NOW, with what she had guessed it would be, called this GUESS.
                    1. M2MF2W:  She then reassigns sex-rating-reweight to now be (75%*sex-sex-rating-reweight+25%*(1-absolute((NOW-GUESS)/NOW)))
              5. M2MFQ0: This method has not been tested but seems it would work plus correct her judgement even more if her ratings here ever less accurate than what she anticipated, including in the beginning.
  3. M2LG0R: Motivation for writing this

    1. M2LG8M: This topic is very important since both:
      1. M2LGBA: the question here is one key to life itself (that is he continuation of every species reproduces via sex)
      2. M2LGIJ: For adult humans (the topic here), differences here been men & women are staggering: men are about 1 million times faster, though seemingly also more inflexible.
    2. M2LG1R: I am primarily writing this for & to-empower women due women’s typical mis-perceptions here due to likely the biggest thing a woman needs to learn & accept when it comes to romance & sex; however others may enjoy this and want to comment on it as well.
    3. M2LGM0: This finding then heavily dictates healthy constructive behavior in romance, including:
      1. M2LGOM: answer d of
  4. M2LFZA: Additional Document History, in order: