Aug 032012
 Posted by on UTC 2012.08.03Fri at 12:34 OkCupid M3ZRE7, polyamory M70ZHK  Add comments

M+W+M+W in heartM871DM:Polyamory

  1. M871GY:Definition

    1. M8LTV8:In-short but approximate:a romance-form having 3 key properties:
      1. MD2D4P:at-the-same-time having multiple (so “poly“)
      2. MD2D5L:serious/committed romances (so “amor“)
      3. MD2D5R:openly & without-secrets.
    2. "Polyamory is wrong" t-shirtM85HAO: From Wikipedia with Destiny‘s extensions: “Polyamory (from Greek πολύ [poly, meaning many or several] and Latin amor [love])”, commonly called “poly” for short, “is the practice, desire, or acceptance of” simultaneously “having more than one” romance, where typically (at least two if not all) are non-casual & serious/committed/dedicated, “with the knowledge and consent of everyone [romantically ]involved” plus additional rules.
    3. M8M47K: Polyamory & romance-friends™ are NOT-the-same-as notable other open-relationship types (being notably WITHOUT common negatives but WITH unique positives), a key point newbies typically miss.
    4. M8OEWN:Basic-intro video “Hi, I’m Minx, and I’m Polyamorous” (right) recommended by OC-Polyamory .
    5. M85KVH:At least in practice & typical conception, polyamory has notable additional rules
      1. M85IC1:polyamory separates itself from polygamy & especially from swinging, even though these are much better known, being IMHO notably more mature than these, as it also:
        1. M85IDN:generally does not allow casual-sex so then all romances are serious & bonding & committed & dedicated else aim to be (quite unlike swinging)
        2. M85I6C: typically fair & symmetric & not-discriminating-against-any:
          1. male and female signs joined by "="M87DLB:sex/gender equality (quite unlike polygamy (where there’s only 1 of gender, and typically only (1 man with many women=polygyny))) and (swinging as it traditionally strongly disallows male-male romance))
          2. M+M=L,F+F=L,M+F=LM87DPN:sexual preference equality (quite unlike polygamy (only allows hetrosexual sex) and swinging (only allows hetrosexual sex plus limited female-female sex))
          3. M85IB8:marital status (independent of it) provided no promises-of-romantic-exclusiveness are broken (quite unlike polygamy (which is to only exist via marriage) and swinging (where traditionally it’s married couples participating))
            1. M8Q0ZZ:Unlike polygamy, legal marriage status becomes secondary, the emotional bond is what’s key: one can be & typically is seriously & openly with a person (indeed multiple) without being married.
          4. couple,single,family,singleM8PZ4X: single vs. couple vs. family: unlike most swinging, you don’t need to be a romantic-couple to get started doing practicing it with others; singles generally welcome to events and many events are family-friendly.
          5. M85IWA:typically NOT hid from the children, friends, even neighbors, and ideally not even relatives & business associates (quite unlike swinging and often polygamy.
            1. M8Q00T:Except for say actual sex acts themselves, the multiple romances aren’t from the kids and many/most group activities welcome children
              1. M8Q03S:Example: Loving-More’s Tri-annual Brentwood Pool Party.
              2. M8Q0FK:Example: kid Devin knows about, is asked about, & likes the romantic-relationships at minute 2:38-2:44 in Showtime’s Polyamory’s Behind The Scenes.
            2. M8Q1BB: This is also unlike polygamy where multi-marriage is forbidden (as in the US): so then it hides itself (only close family know) because it insists on multi-marriage which is illegal in US all states, it then makes it illegal which then requires it to be hid. Polyamory readily solves this by making legal-marriage secondary.
          6. M8Q1Q8:independent of religion (unlike polygamy, specifically the most common form polygyny, which recommended by fundamentalist Mormonism and Islam)
          7. M87E56:(non-definitional:) unlike polygamy, it not known for sometimes seriously abusing partners & children; indeed I’ve never heard a kid being unhappy because his/her parents were polyamorous.
        3. M8Q23F: Seems to generally be mildly affiliated with naturism.
          1. M8Q24A:The larger polyamory parties I’ve been to (=Brentwood’s and (defuct) LAPS.Org‘s) were all “clothing optional”.
        4. M87MWX:See also
      2. M85L00: each relationship usually include further custom rules.
        1. M87F3D:Real examples covered in Episode “THE RULES” & subsequent episodes.
    6. male & female pair, each with 4 additional of the opposite sex

      M8N685:This could be a good image for NOT polyamory but swinging as it shows a hetrosexual couple also each having extra sex with 4 of the opposite sex, with all of these 8 extras just “hanging there” and where they don’t bother to connect them with anyone else (so suggesting all that extra sex is casual and even not really caring).

      M8PO1R:Note this (above) is my definition. So what is polyamory universally?

      1. M8PO3A: What’s practiced tends to be reasonably consistent, dd
      2. M8MG7H:Word-wise definitions of polyamory vary, indeed  I’ve never seen a universally agreed-on definition.
        1. M8PGXG:Moreover, many/most definitions, including even this Wikipedia, miss important principles which appear to be essential in practice.
        2. M8PGYB:Causing this, who all-invented polyamory isn’t clear and they didn’t start with a central public definition open to public comment there –in marked contrast to romance-friends™.
        3. M8PGXW:So I’ve made my own definition here, indeed one addressing all of these woes and I would place a bet that it’s the best. 🙂
    7. M87K0D:Wikipedia entry:
  2. M31REF:Comparison to alternates, from most to least similar:

    1. M8N95M:See romance-friends™ vs. polyamory: mostly commonality, difference is polyamory is starting to blossom but romance-friends is newer technology with notably better design & potential.
      1. M87MZP: See (polyamory & romance+friends) compared with notable other open-relationship types.
      2. M8N9AU:See (polyamory & romance-friends) unlike all other romance forms.
    2. M87FAJ:Table comparing all major Romance-forms TBA.
    3. M31V8H:No other similar known
  3. MJKJIC:Important sub-concepts & customs

    1. MJKJJ4:Compersion

      1. MJKK0L:previous entry -has definition & useful background & thoughts.
      2. MJKJKV:definition:
        1. MJKJVD:“The opposite of romantic jealousy.”, meaning being happy & pleased one you romantically care gets romantically happy with others not you.
        2. MJKJOA: gives more.
      3. MJKK2R: Brilliantly pioneered, apparently by the original inventors of polyamory.
    2. MJKK6O:Social gathering customs

      1. MJKLX8:covered within the “About us…” of OC-Polyamory
      2. MJKLXO:I Destiny learned them at (now defunct) LAPS.Org meetings ~1999, and note they still continue as at Brentwood Poly Pool Party #9 (per announcement).
    3. MJKMEB:“Even when the romance ends, still friends”

      1. MJKMFJ:An outstanding concept for every romance form, but rarely practiced.
      2. MJKMGO:Kamala says essentially this is the poly standard in Showtime’s Polyamory episide 5 (Poly Potluck) +/- ~1 episode.
      3. MJKMMN:I have not heard other references to this being a standard.
    4. MJKMP2:More TBA

  4. “Start of polyamory contingent at San Francisco Pride 2004″

    M87H1I:Popularity & Community

    1. M87NHM:A modern idea: word was popularly created 1992-May with with the creation of “the Usenet newsgroup alt.polyamory” says Wikipedia,
      1. M87O41:So it’s an idea which only bloomed thanks to the arrival of world-wide data networks (in this case Usenet) and at the same time (1990) when the World-Wide-Web launched.
      2. M87NQB:Related written concepts start as early as “1848” but only very sparely says Newsweek, probably due to the fact that without world-wide data networks, ideas like this were too far-seeing to take root.
      3. M87OZT:Since then…
    2. M87LWM:“As of July 2009, it was estimated that more than 500,000 polyamorous relationships existed in the United States.”  —Wikipedia
    3. M87IF6:now many publications: “About 2,020,000 results” in Google Search!.
    4. M87IHN:is now being promoted nationwide by Showtime in their new TV series “Polyamory: Married & Dating” which is making notable impact
    5. M87HO3: shows the popularity in terms of worldwide Google Searches.
      1. M87IGS:Note 2.8x increase in Googling for “polyamory” due to Showtime’s “Polyamory” series!
    6. M722OO:The best list of polyamory groups I know of is
      1. M87HFJ:Currently lists “174 groups” worldwide!
    7. M87OC0:Polyamorous daters (their profiles):
      1. M8NS5L:OkCupid
        1. M8NS6T:the most popular polyamorous dating site I’ve found so far
          1. M8NS8M: okcupid-is-poly has a woman saying

            I use OKCupid. Almost everyone that I know who is poly and out, use the site. It is a Poly-friendly social networking site.
            My biggest gripe about OKCupid being Poly-friendly is that married men who want to have “discreet” affairs, troll around for women who are poly. In my opinion, the men are cheaters and prove that monogamy does not work.  \ I block their hollow asses. :}dsa

        2. M87OC8: On OkCupid, click polyamorous & Polyamory –though likely several times more than that (among those open to a serious open-relationship (OKCupid has Qs for this) but don’t state it on their profiles.
        3. MJKMZ0:Friendly to open relationships
      2. M8Q2J8:See also Dating websites (enabling & disabling) multiple simultaneous romances (honestly & dishonestly).
  5. M87FAX:What to do?

    1. M8N8WY:See “What to do?” for both romance-friends & polyamory.

  6. M31R7R:Section Additional History, in order:

    1. M8709U:I create this
      1. M3KNZ6:Why?  Before, instead was:
        1. M870B4: Wrote the definition at 3359#M85HAO
        2. M3KOSW:reached my limit when
          1. M8719X:That became long (so especially deserving of its own post) as a complete short definition seems not possible..
      2. M3KNXM:by:
        1. M37OOV:on (the most similar recent one= latest version M7RCIW, do Copy to a new draft.
        2. M37OP0:then there: give this a new ID & updated content to fit.
    2. M871ZR:Move the source definition here.
    3. M8720D:Update this section to use <ol style=”font-size: 85%; line-height: 125%;”>
    4. M872AM:1st published
    5. M87P33:Considerable content added. Fairly complete.
    6. M8LUGU:M85HAO: improved including corrections (by adding “typically (at least two if not all)” and “everyone [romantically ]involved”). M8LTV8: added.
    7. M8N9H5:Notable content moved out as detailed at 3501#M8M7ZF and it’s following 2 entries.
    8. MD2CSG:Updates to current document format (starting with M8M7RQ_ link) except didn’t remove top-level online plus add “THIS POST” section; 1st pic was now broken so fixed; M8LTV8: improved;  pdt2012.11.06tue0337.
    9. MJKJG3:1st edits I think by the WordPress 3.5 editor so <a id=””> tags will be corrupted until WP fixes this.
    10. MJKN0B:Added “MJKJIC:Important sub-concepts & customs” especially to add “MJKJJ4:Compersion” to now reference it in MJKKPB; pst2013.03.12Tue1639.

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