Oct 272012
 
human legs hanging out of trash canMCJ0IH:humans’ increasingly socially-disposable society http://1.JotHere.com/3707#MCJ0IH

MAZBVC:THIS POST

  1. M87XAJ:All key details are in BOLD with most-essential & -timely first.
  2. MAZBWQ:SUBSECTIONS: WHAT, WHEN & WHERE ,WHOCOST, PREVENTION & CURE, ADDITIONAL POST HISTORY.

MAXFOC:WHAT

  1. MCJ8MX:This is

    1. "How do I block you in real life?"MCJ8NO:where every person can, even on a whim, super-easily & wrongfully dismiss & escape from most any individual or organization plus sometimes swap out even their own friends & sex partners —so do
    2. MCJ8OT:created by & only possible by our wide-spread adoption of many new technical technologies which give the individual user short-term social benefits but at long-term societal costs.
  2. MCIY4F:Notably, roughly in chronological order of when the change took place:

    1. MCJGIA:Hypthosis: the the better the environmental draw of a region (as weather, scenery, gold), the less friendly the people there.
      1. MCJGPD:Why: because then people go there for the environment, not the other people there.
        1. MCJGRT:And in the modern world, travel is fairly easy (at least within America), so it won’t be a question of not being able to get or move there.
      2. MCJGSC:Thus it’s would be no surprise when contrasting So California as Los Angeles to NYC:
        1. MCJGWL:SoCal has arguably the best weather in the world, top beaches, forests, plus Hollywood which is full of movie making & similar vanity (indeed originally there was also the California Gold Rush).
        2. MCJGWR:NYC has some pretty lousy weather, often dirty, plus beaches which most So Californians’ would even bother taking a 1 minute look at.
        3. MCJGZ3:But on New Years Eve
          1. MCJH0P:in NYC, the weather is awful, but the thing to do is hugging & kissing strangers, crowded out in freezing outdoor weather in Central Square, for a cost of $0.
          2. MCJH16:in LA, the weather is fine, you might not even need a jacket, but the streets will be empty as the thing to do is get invited and go to exclusive parties of snobby people costing $150/person or sometimes more.
        4. MCJH43:And in meeting people, custom seems to have it that
          1. MCJH4I:in NYC, you seemingly start by being a bit mean to strangers you first meet, but end up, once you get to know each other, being nice.
          2. "Welcome to California. Now go home!" license plate coverMCJH7Q:in LA, you start by being quite nice to strangers you first meet but, end up, once you get to know each other, by flaking and being a bit mean, well unless say it could get back to you.
      3. MCJGOP:This factor (region’s attraction) isn’t fully human controlled and rarely technology controlled, but I include it because it also seems to notably affect friendless so the rough-reverse of socially-disposable.
    2. MCIZDN:With the phone common place, it made it possible for a person to have a conversation with someone else without those even next to him/her knowing who for sure who they were talking to –though outsiders might have a good guess from hearing the one local side of the conversation, plus then would have a good idea of the topic. Still some details could & were hidden (especially who was being talked to).
      1. MCJ0R8:This is small, but is still the early mist of an non-ending tidal wave to more come.
    3. condoms & heartsMCJ5IW:Widespread use of the condom.  Immediate pro: now have plenty of sex with almost no risk now of disease,  plus kids when you’re not ready. But one big long-term con: gain, switch, & dispose of sexual partners, plus have many including pure-sex ones, much more easily.
    4. MCIXUM:Before the days of answering machines, one had to take the call or miss something important, so had to face the call.
    5. MCIY5O:After answering machines but before phones had built-in voicemail, one typically had to listen to the message which was being left (thus causing callers to say “Pick up, pick up” on their message), so still causing us to have to face the call. Now with built-in voice, one click and the potentially upsetting message (that we might need to here) easily forever disappears.
    6. MCIYP9:Before the days of caller ID, you had to answer a call to know who it’s from. Now you can know you don’t know them (or don’t want to talk them) before ever answering, and such screening was considered normal.
      1. MCIYRF:For a short time when caller ID was introduced, there was also caller ID block (which then could be used by those who suspected to their calls would be wrongfully block); but then evolved caller ID block block, and then simply the fairly universal conversational convention that calls from unknown or blocked calls wouldn’t be answered (indeed so much that caller ID block block was no longer needed), as “unquestionably” it was (very wrongly) accepted that each person deserved their call screening and could individually make the right choices.
    7. MCJ0F5:Before the days of everyone having their own phone # and/or email,
      1. MCIY8C:if Sally stood up Johnny on date, her roommates or parents or coworkers or boss were likely & expected to hear about it. Now they won’t and is now considered inappropriate to tell any of them.
      2. MCIYAT:and one would typically list in the phone book  & give out one’s home address (yes even women) to meet the new person. But now that everyone has their own phone & email, and even via a device where they can get now both everywhere, home addresses and any physical addresses are rarely listed and almost never given out, even often between guy friends who’ve known each other months.
    8. "Never Meet Again \ Emergency Exit Only"MCJF23:The less likely a person is going to happen to physically meet someone again
      1. MCJF8F:seems to vastly increase the likelyhood the person will wrongfully disrespect the other person by screening out or blocking or deleting their messages and calls or flaking on appointments with them or not replying, etc, especially as is easily enabled by the new electronic technology.
      2. MCIXWJ:increases notably in large urban environments, especially large sprawling suburbias, which are steadily enabled & growing due to our city infrastructure technology
        1. MCJFD2:as often merely takes not going to the same same rooms or vehicles at the same (and humans have many, many rooms & vehicles), so any place which is large, that’s fairly easy.
      3. MCJFFF:decreases somewhat the more society uses public transportation (especially trains & buses) plus sidewalks.
        1. MCJFX0:This also seems to notably increase the society’s trust of each other (as then having to meet their fellow unknown neighbor, they find they aren’t actually crazy as the TV news often talks of!)
        2. MCJFIE:Note the seemingly last urban areas in America to do this are Los Angeles County (which just got “subway” ~2000)  followed by perhaps very last Orange County (which still has no “subway” and where buses are mostly only used the poor)
          1. MCJGC3:So since these also are huge sprawling suburbs and have huge natural attraction, they would seemingly have the the worst socially-disposable human society of anywhere in America, and by lifetime of experience, they do.
      4. MCJF23:increases notably once everyone has their own phone s/he carried with her/him, and had secondly had great computers & Internet to work from home or most anywhere, as without this people still have to meet in person in order to communicate.
    9. MCJDKY:Before the days of bulk email especially spam (as in for the last 10K years!), a letter or other message to a person really meant something.
      1. MCJDO1:It was something one saved, often read every word, and carefully wrote out a reply. And not replying was thought pretty bad.
      2. MCJDOZ:But now with spammers then mailing lists and social networks (as Meetup) filling the majority of our inboxes with automatic  but still increasingly custom messages, and mostly messages that we want the system is well-tuned, well only a small % of our email is truly human-created messages just for us (fortunately it seems most of our SMS/text messages still are)
      3. MCJDV3:Moreover for pmail, email, & text/SMS, it’s often impossible to tell how many people beyond us were sent the message (at least for machines and for humans) to see how personal it really is.
      4. MCJDZ0:And (so) it seems human messages
        1. MCJEEQ:are a bit more often missed
        2. MCJEF6:are increasingly not read unless very short
        3. MCJE8F:go pretty routinely unreplied to including sometimes in mid-conversation, even from family&friends.
      5. MCJE60:And at least among men-seeking-women, even very custom 1st messages of “Hi I’m interested in dating you” or “Hi I’m interested in being your friend”, even if they are solicited,  only get about responded 1 in 5 to (on a dating site) about 1 in 25. .
    10. MCJ0FZ:And now not just phones but every electronic communication method (phones, emails, and every Web 2.0 site) features the ability to block another person else number/address, and at any time and with just ~2 clicks, and NEVER have I seen where it is checked if such blocking is appropriate or excessive.
      1. MCJ0RU:Yes it’s at time essential to block robot-calling telemarketers and spam, but it just as easily can be used to block things people want to face but need to so routinely
    11. MCIZ4L:With the introduction of texting, that allowed conversations so private that people even right next to the person couldn’t even know for sure that a conversation was going on!
      1. MCJ0S8:not only would they not even know who the other person was talking to,  but they couldn’t even hear the local side of the conversation as they could with the phone, and especially (but not just) with the smartphone, couldn’t be even sure the person was even talking to someone e
      2. MCJ0SO:This makes it possible, & commonplace, to have conversations more private than even 2 people in-person, even more than whispering in each other’s ear or even passing notes.
        1. MCJ0UN:-communication with privacy never before possible in all human history (next step would be telepathy!) so hard to predict all the social consequences, especially the negave ones, but still casually gobbled up by society perhaps like lemmings.
        2. MCJ0YF:One well known consequence, though not always thought negative(!), it’s possible to emotionally cheat on your romance while lying in bed with him/her (via secret sexting and other romantic texting).
    12. Many many MySpace friendsMCJ135:And with MySpace, introducing & getting about ~50% of the US population to try the concept of adding, and deleting, friends (indeed “friends” is what they’re called) with a click of a mouse, plus having hundreds or thousands of them!
      1. MCJO9Z:If that’s not disposable people, what is?!
      2. MCJ1G0:And it was, by many quite appropriately joked about, that is until Facebook.
      3. MCKQJI:In this video skit, after promoting Jimmy Kinnel’s “National Unfriend Day”William Shatner pokes fun at a young man who has been, without warning nor explanation, unfriended by one of his guy buddies (on Facebook), so suggesting that it’s not nearly the big deal that the guy makes it and so just “get over it” (as say ~”cause it’s only online” and Facebook (like nearly Web 2.0 service) provides no recourse for unjust removals); but our online worlds are increasingly our real world, indeed already are, so what Shatner makes light of here is valid hurtful situation and and actually NOT funny (well maybe except for him & other celebrities, having so many fans &  “friends’ they could  easily dispose of many of them and not even notice), no, it’s actually pretty sad, as thus making light of & developing complacency of peiple getting hurt this way, and indeed without warning & explanation, will only make such online social abuse worse.
    13. MCJ5TM:Even in-person social networks managed via the web, most notably the most famous one, Meetup, make it trivial for new social badness
      1. MCJ63W:including
        1. MCJ64L:for anyone to become a leader of 100s or 1000s without ever having any qualification or training, and
        2. MCJ64Q:for any leader to anonymously delete any member’s content & membership, and just with a couple clicks, without warning, record, procedure, nor consequences.
        3. MCVPQV:a leading Meetup irony. Indeed, on Meetup, a person can removed from a group for any & no reason and can’t even post a review of a group after they’ve been removed, so most definitely teaching “Do onto others wrongly before they might rightly do onto you”
      2. MCJ5X2:Think this is abused? You better believe it is, routinely. Indeed personally experience it at least monthly!
    14. Facebook as a user-biting sharkMCJ17V:finally, and arguably worst of all, Facebook, Inc:
      1. MCJ15I:Facebook replaced MySpace, including taking MySpace’s concept of a Friend, which was often appropriately joked about, but then getting people taking it serious!
        1. MCJ1HU:-and even though 0 more standards were added to what it takes to to become, remain, and get removed from being a friend -was still just entirely as causal & without guidelines.
        2. MCJ1J0:Because Facebook averted the question (and indeed seem to have gotten it totally forgotten) by starting people by not strangers around the world but with your college buddies, so which you already new were in some quality. -TRUE, but not an excuse!!
      2. "Jeromy is feeling funny about having to write about himself in the third person."MCJ1NM:Facebook also introduced the concept of a status update, which is instantly displayed to all your friends (what they, being your friend, essentially agree to)
        1. MCJ1PF:So now if you want to go to a movie or dancing or such, you DON’T do as you’ve done for all prior human history and contact your individual close friends,  nor even set up a routine schedule to hang with your friends, now you just post your present desire “I want to to the movies” as your Facebook status, and see which of your say 1000 friends reply.
          1. MCJ1TW:This is quite like the dating device (teleporting you a sex mate out of your living room’s vending machine) in sci-fi future warning film “Logan’s Run”, but expanded all one’s basic non-work socializing.
          2. MCJ6LG:In many ways, your friends become just a mailing list, and in Facebook, Inc‘s “so-loving” corporate cloud storage.
          3. MCJ250:It means you don’t know nor suggests-don’t-need-to-care about who exactly you will be hanging out this evening with when you’re in the mood to hang out, so won’t and don’t need and (at least short-term) arguably shouldn’t build strong individual connections with any individual that lasts, as every one of your friends is now largely interchangableand since you’ve got & can instantly call on many (even 100s or 100s), then also quite disposable.
        2. MCJ2ME:In America, it seems this way of planning one’s unstructured social life is now used by the majority of adults under 40.
      3. MCJ2KC:People, especially women, are increasingly using Facebook to declare their romantic relationship status
        1. MCJ2QP:Indeed I’ve heard of some marriages where a laptop is brought to the wedding so the couple can make it official on Facebook (said as kind of  joke, but it really isn’t), as that feels to them more official than a ring.
        2. MCJ2SL:Yes this has the immediate pro, especially for women, that it makes it harder for a person to romantically cheat (than say a wedding or engagement ring which can easily be removed, and is often not required of the man even though he’s usually much more likely to cheat).
        3. MCJ2VH:But it comes with big disadvantages:
          1. MCJ39T:Just like adding  a friend, it just takes a click of the mouse, and entirely solo decision, and with no criteria (even suggested) of what it should take to become romantic with someone, stay romantic, and end the romance.
            1. MCJ3BJ:However marriage, in use for the prior 10,000 years to establish a romantic couple, was quite the opposite here: typically requiring huge family & social approval approval, and often money as a dowry or attorney fees, in order to get it or remove it.
              1. MCJ3JG:So should Facebook’s method replace those high standards? ( as it largely has? -including since most relationships are not marriage and marriage is also declining)  Absolutely not!
          2. "Relationship Status" type optionsMCJ3JP:While it can have many labels, including “Civil Union”, only 1 romantic relationship type is possible: in bi-directional romance which is serious with just 1 other person (otherwise the person is not committed & serious about anyone romantically, except as might be poorly implied by “It’s complicated”)).
            1. MCJ3RH:But all history to present is full of romances & sex which doesn’t fit this one type, including a person serious about multiple partners at the same time (in 1 way or another, as dishonestly else sometimes honestly), which is VERY common.
              1. MCJ3SO:So should this 1 type be used to officiate the world’s romances? Absolutely not!
            2. MCJ3V8:Indeed this causes one to think that either you are in this 1 type of romance, else “you aren’t in a (romantic) relationship” -craziness.
            3. MCJ3TZ:Though there are many real romance relationship types missing, most notable are:
              1. MCJ3O7: Indeed if you’re even dating a few people, that you are & who & how many can’t even be declared.
              2. MCJ3Y0: Facebook romance-friends™ else polyamorous relationship status is not possible, just this year proposed. And the 1st links will explain why such a romance form is so important.
      4. MCJ7AM:Morally abusing their size, Facebook is snobby & needlessly exclusionary and suggests so teaches its members to be the same: essentially You’re either in Facebook, or you’re not “in”.
        1. MCJ7DE:I’ve been told (even just Monday) “I use Facebook for my address book”  (which is very common), and effectively results in “so if you’re not on Facebook, I can’t know you. Or else I have to create a separate contact for you, and that’s (now) way too much trouble!”
        2. MCJ7FE:With most people joining Facebook (indeed even Winklevoss twins who hate & sued the company) and often unquestionably, Facebook members (as in now most people in America) seem to then wonder of people not on Facebook: “What?! Why?? Because you were bad and they excluded you? As you are one of those sex offenders and/or spammers they don’t allow? Yeah you must be one of them.”
        3. MCJ7MC:I romantically I’m attracted to so pretty much only date Asian women, and about 85% have effectively told me “Not on Facebook? Not interested.”, well except for 2 which said “Well, yes I will date a guy not on Facebook. I give him about a 3 week trial period to see if he’ll join.” –no joke.
          1. MCJ7PH:None have said why, but one big reason may many women seem now dependent on Facebook to keep their guy from cheating.
        4. MCJ7KO:Founder Zuckerberk (arrogantly & frighteningly) repeatedly talks of Facebook as the future replacement Internet.
        5. MCJ7Z3:Facebook supports all sorts of ways to import your data into them (as your address book), but (last I’ve seen) very little ways to get it out,  in marked contrast to Google ‘s Data Liberation Front, and (as announced on Larry Rose) causing Google CEOs to break a deal with Facebook as Facebook wasn’t about to play fair.
      5. MCJ6S5:And should it be no surprise that that what goes-around on Facebook comes from the top? In particular that Facebook also treats you their member:
        1. MCJ6XL:as heavily casually disposable, too –per their notable reputation for suspending & deleting accounts on a whim & without warning & recourse, plus
        2. MCJ6YA:as their property, also
          1. MCJ70D:with a reputation for misusing your information (as your pics), plusd
          2. Big Brother Zuckerberk reaching out thru laptopMCJ70M:giving you infinite privacy controls against everyone except you, as you they track in ways that unsurpassed, indeed your exact & full identity, and in ways would make George Orwell (“1984” author) roll in his grave.
      6. MCJ30H:One key synopsis & explanation of this, Facebook founder & principle designer Mark Zuckerberk is well known known to be & notably publicized for being notably NOT socially skilled and rather IMmoral to to even his (now-former) friends, even his best college friends which helped him his great success (great example: top documentary film of the year “The Social Network” which Time Magazine articles on him concur), yet he, mostly single-handledly designed the new socialing  norms (do to simply some very clever programming & marketing & fortunate timing). Does that seem like a wise idea? As would be suggested by the outcome above when one just stops to examine it, NO!
    15. MCVNDA:Human’s new “Click here to hurt your neighbor”.
      1. MCVNZH:Summary
        1. MCVO05:We humans now-largely & increasingly and very-seriously communicate & interact with each other electronically and increasing ways even the smartest & most motivated people cannot fully keep track of (once just pmail, now it’s phone calls, vmail, fax, email, email lists, web pages, texting, infinite web discussion boards, blogs, wikis, ebay, twitter, MySpace+Facebook+Meetup+Google Plus+several other other social networks, and more).
        2. MCVO0M:But the social rules & norms for controlling these interactions are generally totally informal, very undeveloped, and typically entirely unenforced (especially not electronically) as noted above –that is besides the preventing the providers from being sued for something obviously egregious.
        3. MCVODC:So while we have a love affair with these technologies and go on & on about “what’s in today” & why, they also enable us & have us doing serious & increasing mis-treatment of each other remotely, including without any physical nor emotional risk from having to face the other person in-person, and largely without any witnesses.
      2. MCVOXX:It’s what I term the new “Electronic Wild West” where instead of most everyone owning a gun, they own a laptop & smartphone, a device which is now electronically tied into virtually every other human in the world.
        1. MCVQ3P:And use can & does that serve?
          1. MCVPZV:No, they can’t use it to do great physical pain & damage to their neighbor and with just a squeeze of a trigger and get away with it since there were typically no police, laws, & judges, & jails for that.
          2. MCVQ5G:But  they can and typically & increasingly often do great social pain & damage to their neighbor with as little as a few clicks the pointer (as ban them from a group or end their relationship) with typically 0 auditing & police & reprecusions, including this time now typically 0 witnesses including this leading Meetup irony.
            1. MCVQ6U:In-person, easily-witness-able physical abuse is rapidly being replaced with remote, typically very hard-to-witness verbal and especially emotional abuse.
        2. MCVQ5T:Therefore we definitely need social controls perhaps in part analogous to our modern gun controls.
    16. MCJ2JQ:In short, these social changes due to technical technology, especially those of  Facebook, Inc, are:
      1. MCJ2D8:–arguably easily very bad as explained, enabling a society where every individual is socially disposable and commonly disposed.
      2. MCJ2EL:not something to be adopted lightly, but especially as witnessed for Facebook, has been adopted by a growing ~30% of the world people, including seemingly most under 40 in America, and in a matter of about 3 years!

MCJC1R:WHEN & WHERE

  1. MCJEQ7:These changes took place pretty much when & where the mentioned technology was wide-spread introduced.
  2. MCJES8:In America these changes took place from ~1940s to (present=2012) & strongly continuing.
  3. MCJHKF: feels the situation & problem is accelerating, maybe getting doubly worse every 15 years.
    1. MCJHOH:-seemingly along with & because of our accelerating technical technology growth.

MCIOTR:WHO

  1. MCJIJG:Long-term everyone is notably hurt, as detailed in cost.

MAX1VD:COST

  1. MCJ5F7:The social cost is sneaky: Short-term small individual gain but netting long-term big loss for everyone, starting with the social pioneers, and eventually everyone notably looses.
    1. "I [block] YOU"MCJ5I1:Every one of these technical innovations seems like immediate social pro its user, almost certainly a key part of why it became popular, even ubiquitous in many cases.
    2. MCJ5PF:But all also result in easily & wrongfully socially disposing and swapping-out people, not just organization members (which has long been done) but now including friends & sex partners, including of course all prospective ones, so effectively even our own eventual family.
      1. MCJ9AV:so this doesn’t do immediate damage to the doer, and least in no way they can see, seemingly why they so readily do it.
      2. MCJ9BX:but it of course hurts and likely does damage against the un-friended & excommunicated and excluded & blocked & deleted.
        1. MCKXWZ:And after being hurt a few times by this by various people doing it to them,  and with generally no recourse to undo it, it won’t be long before many, probably most people, then just start doing this same harm onto other undeserving people.
      3. MCJ9KO:and the technology enables doing this often social harm extremely cavalierly:
        1. MCJ9P4:in seconds, in many cases just a couple of mouse clicks
        2. MCJ9PH:almost always indiscriminately:
          1. MCJ9WK:No warning required
          2. MCJ9OK:doesn’t care what the person’s reasons are: no reasons required, either.
          3. MCJ9PQ:doesn’t care how long the relationship has lasted nor how deep it has gone (so then especially hurting long & deep relationships)
          4. MCJA19:no oversight required: just 1 person’s decision
        3. MCJA28:No public reporting required
        4. MCJ9YK:No backup required and typically no history kept: whatever was is just erased, in second!
        5. MCJA7Q:No recourse to undo an unjust act, else very hard (including no judges and all history deleted)
      4. MCJ9DA:and so this doesn’t give much or any room for any any relationship which would become unpleasant , but true growth is almost never pleasant and including people need others telling them what they need to know but don’t want to here but now anyone who does this runs a huge risk of being wrongfully blocked or deleted.
    3. MCJACB:So there will be a big social price to pay by everyone
      1. vehicles is pictured destroyed and littered with bodies near SirteMCJACZ:Every abuse of these technologies, which today have become rampant so no longer even to be noticed, will be social litter which will just collect in society and hurt feelings everywhere, hurt which then has no where else to go so will then pollute and slowly poison everyone, as slowly more and more it becomes the custom and the norm that people are hurt from others in their their past so taking it out on new people.
      2. MCJAG2:Relationships & commitment will be grow shorter, shallower, and with less meaning.
        1. MCKS50:With the war of the sexes already bred in for a billion-years, dating will take a serious downturn in unfriendliness & mean things done to each other.
          1. MCKS8L:Which it has, at least in SoCal since around the time Facebook appeared.
            1. MCKSAA:As one notable example which I’m painfully aware, see the serious apparent effects this has on Women disrespecting-men especially before the 1st date.
            2. MCLHCL:The emergence of  apparently-popular “romance” form “secret fu-k associates.” further deteriorating romance.
        2. MCJB12:The broken family and 1-parent & 0-good-parent kids will become the norm –indeed it long already has.
        3. MCJB2C:Marriage will deteriorate & become less important –indeed, it already has & is.
        4. MCKSHF:We’ll have plenty of “friends” including increasingly easier to find new ones (and replacements), but also increasingly few of them real depth & quality & longevity.
      3. MCJAUU:Quantity of friends, not quality of friends, will be increasingly valued.
      4. MCJAHR:People will socially grow slower as now it’s so easy to block out and hurt back whenever somebody says something you don’t want to here but need to.
      5. MCJAM8:And likely the true social pioneers (such as I try be, and certainly Jesus and many others were), will be else are even more squelched out and outcast and hurt (since they tell many individuals of problems they need to know but don’t want to hear – so just delete em!), instead of being upheld.

MCJIGK:PREVENTION & CURE (what to do)

  1. MCLA35: “It’s no big deal, [so ]don’t worry about it” —absolutely not recommended

    1. MCLA4X:This seems it a common solution
      1. MCLAB8:As it’s easy to just narrow ones vision to short-term, the notable pro of “Take a hint”.
      2. MCLA5O:Including it is one William Shatner (mis)uses his humor to sell.
    2. MCLA9B:But it is a a very big deal, as “Cost” details.  So not worrying about it will just let it continue & grow worse, and the growth appears fast exponential, so doing this solution for any significant length of time is just crazy.
  2. "Take a Hint" album cover

    MCKV8V:“Take a hint” —strongly NOT recommended

    1. MCKVAH:This the the leading, indeed often only, fix I hear, and seems presently to be used most of the time.
    2. MCKVDB:It seems to mean when someone, despite their promises & suggestions, doesn’t show up or doesn’t answer calls & doesn’t return messages and perhaps deletes your post and removes you from the group, all without warning nor explanation, assume that they don’t like else don’t want whatever you offer and “move on” (don’t say say anything about it nor worry about it, just go on peruse other leads), and maybe learn anything you can about it but of course without saying any more about it.
    3. MCKVBY:Though it applies all socially-disposing (else seems to), it is especially used in the context of dating.
      1. MCKVLT:  I first heard of it about 2009 when on my US Military Reserves annual training exercise, informally from enlisted soldiers in my unit, 1 guy in particular, in response to my telling them the numerous experiences I had with “a woman disrespectfully-not-following-thru (as flaking) on a guy before-else-on their 1st date”.
      2. MCL1SY:In romance, many (perhaps most) women feel entitled to communicate via hints, indeed wanting & expecting their mate to be even more: mindreaders.
        1.  MCL231:As perhaps best expressed (as best “Take a Hint” thinkers can express themselves -not well 😉 in the lyrics of this “Take A Hint” song by 2 young women.
        2. MCLB3J:Will it take men similarly telling women to “take a hint” in order to realize how hurtful “take a hint” is?

          MCL1TH:but hint communication is general unhealthy, seemingly most especially romance where the battle-of-sexes bred in for a billion years so one is virtually communicating between two species.

    4. MCKVUN:My guess is this “solution” grass-roots evolved because of so many of these hurtful situations, notably worsened by our plethora of electronic methods to block & hide from each other, where there was no easy provided nor obvious methods of recourse nor prevention.  So just accept this is now part of life. And, as is common practice among religious zealots, what better way to get yourself to accept something questionable than to also expect & demand everyone else join you in doing so?
      BUT
    5. MCL4JN:Hint communication can be quite entertaining, but is still generally unhealthy
      1. MCL7SK:In general it’s dangerous. So where is it healthy? Only in one these cases:
        1. MCL7XZ:on clearly unimportant matters.
        2. MCL82W:Where good communication & common-ground are already assured & solid and there is no rush & problem to communicate back & forth until common understanding is achieved.
          1. MCL8GV:But this is almost never the case on in most 1st meetings, especially people meeting in romance or from different backgrounds.
        3. MCL7TN:as last-resort at communication where we haven’t made ourselves strong & smart enough to speak & hear the direct truth. But last-resort couldn’t be overemphasized as but without ability to communicate direct, there is still high risk of misunderstanding, and potentially something big. So probably a better approach is just stop & get calm & think & say nothing until you can speak & hear the direct truth.
      2. MCL8JP:Especially when it’s dangerous, why do people like it too much & abuse it? Probably because some combo of:
        1. MCL8MB:in the fun of communicating by hints,  it’s easy for many to forget that you are easily not fully communicating & its dangers.
        2. "If only you could take a hint as well as you take a dick"

          MCLBL7:Will it take men similarly telling women to “take a hint” in order to realize how hurtful “take a hint” is?

          MCL8RD:Not me, but people, especially women it seems, love the idea and/or feeling, sometimes even obsessed with it, of being understood without having to fully explain themselves, or say anything.

        3. MCL8SX:one then often doesn’t have to say or even face one’s real thoughts & feelings, which can be pretty upsetting one not doing continual mind housecleaning.
      3. MCL963:It then should expected that those who really like hint-communication, and definitely those who insist on it, typically do so because they don’t want to or are unable to truly express themselves directly, and are actually pretty messed up themselves.
        1. MCL9H7:-because they can only talk in hints!, because they can’t talk direct, likely even if they wanted to.
        2. MCL2QM: So as one would predict, “Take a hint”ers (those who expect to be able to talk through hints, so like the “Take a hint” solution) seem they often can’t even truly express themselves entirely (as say their underlying feelings) even when they are forced, oh so “terribly”, to instead have to say what’s bothering them in what they would consider was direct.
        3. MCL33Z: As good example, from this rather offensive poster, I see the person wanting not to hear from the other person (speaker of the poster) is now also upset that the latter didn’t “Take the hint” so now think they need to & are saying “Shut up”, but so then are angry they have to say it (from their delusion that people must & best communicate via hints) so they then feel justified to cuss at the person (adding “fuck”) plus call them a bad name (“punk”) plus, to likely mask their additional appropriate feelings of inadequacy make themselves sound smart & clever & susinct, by also prefixing what they say with “Four words for you: “, moreover  they are ordering (childish, un-peer, falsely superior) instead of and still NOT actually saying what needs to be said (their feelings, which be say “I’m upset by what you’re saying” or “I don’t like to hear unpleasant truths” or “I don’t get why you’re saying that” –but having to “admit” that would be “far too” personal & revealing (!), so the truth ironically is we still don’t have much of any idea what the speaker’s feeling are even after they’ve painfully-in-their-mind had to speak up!); moreover, who would use this poster? -likely someone would would message it to someone else not even wanting to themselves say even this -just wishing they could! (let the poster do the talking for them). Consequently, those who find this poster appealing, even amusing  are probably seriously messed up in that they don’t want & have little idea how to express their true feelings (and to some degree fear them), so then very wrongfully expect the whole world to read & follow their cryptic hints, and even though they hints are buried 2 or more levels deep, and be very angry at anyone if they don’t, even to the point, to overcome seemingly enormous feeling of inadequacy, they then must delude themselves to falsely claim indeed expect that this indeed (“hints”) unquestionably IS the best way to communicate  –VERY sad!

          1. MCLBTH:And this is typical. Every poster found by Google Image Search(Take a hint) has the offensively saying “Shut up” or similar action order and definitely NOT revealing the speaker’s underlying feelings for it.
    6. MCKW4S:So not surprisingly, this solution is, as best I can see,  a serious overall loss to everyone, including society, as here’s Pros-thru-Cons in order:
      1. MCKW4S:NOTABLE PRO: for the abused, feels as best one can right now. Clearly there is nothing obvious s/he can do about it, so just accept it’s a cost of life, waste no more time & pain, and “move on” -per why this “solution” probably originated.
      2. MCL0J0:CON: the solution name (“take a hint”) & likely underlying concept sneakily misleads people into thinking communication on important stuff via hints
        1. MCL0K2:is good
          1. MCL0N5:–no, it’s bad, specifically
          2. MCL0O2:indeed should be celebrated, by notably ironically celebrates the abuser! (by suggesting the abuser gave a good hint, the abused were just too out-of-it to read (“take”) it, so why they were hurt & abused
            1. MCL0US:making the victim not only hurt, but at fault for getting hurt, and then probably also at fault for making someone else appear an abuser –pretty sick bully thinking.
      3. MCKW8S:SERIOUS CON: short & long term, enables wrong doors to painlessly get away with with at least these seemingly-minor wrongdoings (of not keeping their promise, misleading, disappointing, and definitely not saying directly what their feeling are). So it’s very likely will continue and some will try & expect to do worse.
        1. MCKWDB:To rationalize allowing this, many then want to believe in karma as “What goes around, comes around” but that I think is even more crazy, starting with we have no scientific proof of karma.
      4. MCKWG0:VERY SEROUS CON: Despite the investment in the relationship, the problems which caused the breakup (which are actually likely on both sides) will likely never be known & quickly forgotten, and most-likely will continue so also hurting society.
        1. MCL04Y: The abused suffers the most here, likely having made the most investment to then just be cut off with the least info to learn from so likely learns nothing, but as this explains, especially in the long-term, everyone suffers including society.
        2. MCKWUP:  Lots of things could have happened, including notably any combo of these 5:
          1. MCKWOX:The not-responding person might have gotten into external trouble (as an auto accident, or all sorts of stuff) but we’ll never know, and just then mis-assume it was something bad in our relation.
          2.  MCKWTM:There might have been an honest miscommunication.
          3. MCKWYW:  Maybe the recipient of the abuse did something wrong  or had something to cause that, but
            1. MCKWZZ: what? -lots was generally talked about (indeed electronics allow huge messages & web pages to be sent in a click), so it’s often nearly impossible to know what.
            2. MCKX0E: And in general it’s wrong to pay back a wrong by another wrong.
          4. MCKX1B:Very commonly the abuser has some misbelief about people, triggering causing him/her to be abusive.
            1. MCKX52:A very common example in dating, most women will quickly & often-brutally reject a possible mate if they find out or even think or even if he appears to  desire multiple simultaneous mates (typically any mate besides her), unknowing else unaccepting that it’s normal & healthy for a male to have this desire.
          5. MCKXUE:Maybe the abuser was upset about something else, as maybe abuse on them that they didn’t deserve, most notably this kind of abuse being done on them by others so, so then likewise abused this undeserving person.
        3. MCKXHZ:And with so many possible things of what went wrong plus no feedback on what, it’s typically practically impossible for the abused to know what.
          1. MCKXP4:And if it’s something the abused did wrong, more likely they probably don’t know they’re doing it (as most people don’t walk around knowing else reminding-themselves they’re doing wrong!), but now the now-turned-abuser is not giving any feedback & talk to convince them of their wrong, so they’re not going to learn!
            1. MCKYHD:Yes, the abuser may not care because they’ve brutally cut off the abused (how they abused), and sadly society won’t hold them responsible for caring, but you sure bet then the problem is going to on.
        4. MCKXNA:And while abuser might think it is from from something the abused did (just not saying telling them), by then not communicating they also can’t know if instead was an honest miscommunication or a mis-belief of their own. ,  also never knows if the problem was really from an honest mis-communication nor their own mis-belief.
          1. MCKYF3:And if it was one or more of these other things, they then won’t have (else aren’t listening) to the abused trying to correct them.
            1. MCKYJ4:Yes, the abused may not care to teach the abuser, as they’ve just been abused, and sadly society won’t hold them responsible for caring, but you sure bet then the problem is going to on.
        5. MCKYLB:So both sides will fail to learn from relationship, so, if any problems beyond just accident, the problems will go, the problems will go on for both, and that will continue costing both & the rest of society.
        6. MCKYXA: Now this brutal handling CAN be okay if both people are very average & well-trained and it’s just a matter of a few trials before one hits a match, but:
          1. MCKZ1B:In many maybe most cases, that is not the case.
            1. MCKZ27:In America and much the world, we keep celebrating & pushing diversity and creating big heterogeneous societies, leaving the old homogeneous societies. So by definition that will be more differences, so so thus more conflict, so we we run away (as block & don’t reply) when we get into conflict, we are doing the exact reverse of what we need to be doing!
            2. MCKZ6A:In dating, if a person is single or unhappy in romance more than a year so so (which usually is BOTH people in these dating scuffles), s/he (plus society) likely has serious romance problems, so conflict will arise, and those need to be faced, not fled.
          2. MCKZBU:Even when it often is the case, there are routine cases where only one person is really sane, and so people most not flee, but face the conflict, so the rest can receive their wsidom.
            1. MCKZGO:Notable example: the architect (Juror 8) in top-film-of-all-time “12 Angry Men”
            2. MCKZGV:Notable example: true social pioneers; see my bio for a list of a few.
  3. MCJHTP:write up the problem especially on a wiki-like site and make people aware of it

    1. MCJHUV:What this public post does
  4. MCJHW8:Create & promote social rules to avoid these

    1. MCJHYH:as does the site http://LoveRules.Info
    2. MCJI1F:Most notably the rule “Before you take any action, even on your own stuff, which would-or-COULD unjustly negatively affect someone else, including before you change, delete, ignore/block, leave/quit, remove/ban, or report”.
    3. MCVS9L:Leading example: “universal rules and guidelines for (Meetup.com & similar) in-person groups”.
    4. MCVRY5:Social controls perhaps in part analogous to our modern gun controls, per “the Electronic Wild West” analogy.
  5. MCJI6I:Incorporate into software, especially web 2.0 sites, these rules plus things such as eBay’s feedback mechanism.

  6. MCLC1X:Create & have organizations which help correct these smaller social wrongs done to individuals and expose & stop the perpetrators.

    1. MCLC3V:Especially needed because traditional organizations, including work places and (to my great surprise) churches, seemingly don’t want to get their hands dirty with this.
      1. MCLC8A:Basically it seems if it’s a not a legal wrong they might have to go to court over, they won’t deal with it.
    2. MCLC9R:I may soon start one in US.CA.Orange County –TBA,
  7. MCJIG0:More TBA.

  8. .

M31R7R:ADDITIONAL POST HISTORY, in order:

  1. MCINDL:Been talking & alerting of this problem for years, but always included in other contexts.
  2. MCJBET:d Had been writing this topic at MCJ0IH in & referenced by http://1.JotHere.com/3690#MCIXSZ but as I put there:
    1. MCIY3L:-to be made its own post
  3. MCJBEG:so now created this post
    1. MA0XOK:How:
      1. MA0Y30:create by doing Copy to a new draft of http://1.JotHere.com/3690#MCINQO latest release MCJB9I
      2. MAFH1U:edit to fit, including giving fresh IDs to whole & history items.
  4. MCJCQV:from source, moved here: 80% complete 1st draft.
  5. MCJEM9:title: rename fr(our increasingly socially-disposable society) to present as more objective, clear, & attention-getting; a few more points; add ~12 pics and 1 video; 1st publish.
  6. MCKS3G:MCKQJI: added; fixed pic pos; MCKS50MCKSHF: added.
  7. MCLCCL:MCLA35MCKV8VMCLC1X: added; more to do but browser needs reboot.
  8. MCVSBG:a few days before this, likely significant additions.
  9. MCVSCY:MCVNDAMCVS9L & MCVRY5: added.

 

  4 Responses to “humans’ increasingly socially-disposable society”

  1. N0DLWZ:  In romance

    1. N0DLY8:  Several mentions & examples already in the article; just page-search (Ctrl-F) for “romance”; most notably, women failing to follow thru on a date.
    2. N0DM1Q:  Additional, reply here:
    • N0DM3X:  In ending a romance

      1. N0DM53:  This a huge problem area because of the extrely destructive belief (and so strong it’s self-fulfflling) that romances can’t remain friends afterwards and one should (well at least openly) have only 1 romance at a time
        1. N0DMEY:  both very unfriendly as Romance-friends™ – romance form for the 21st century makes obvious (and people typically wonder why and are amazed romance isn’t friendly!)
        2. N0DMFD:  If people took this attitude in financial investments, we would say “Oh, this investment isn’t performing they way we dreamed, so it’s proper now to loose all my principle (loose virtually everything I invested) and start over investing (whatever I have left that I didn’t invest -quickly 0) into something else”! –if we complain about the financial markets sometimes crashing today, all we’d have to do is use the investiment “stragegies” (er, self-destruction) romance uses and we’d see by those conventions within a few years investments wouldn’t just be bad, they would simply kill themselves out of existance!
      2. N0DMPU:  Additional & examples, reply here:
      • N0DMUD:  Popular 2006 Song (“What Goes Around… Comes Around”) alerts of the problems the way romances are typically ended, but also points to the typical tragic response (threaten Karma, instead making real (societal) changes) 

        1. N0DMYH:  About 1hr ago I heard this playing on local cable TV’s (channel “902 DMX: Hottest Hits” music station) this song and realized it was alerting of this problem.
        2. N0DN2B:  The lyrics by Wikipedia’s recommend links appear to me to tell of the singer
          1. N0DNIY:  being terribly upset not understanding why his romance (a woman) he was serious about ended the relationship and then quickly started romance with others as it seems to make bad sense to him, familiar to many seemly because typically such quitting goes with poor warning & explanation as is tragically the convention (plus of course that one can (visibly) be with only one romance at a time, making breakups needlessly even more severe);
          2. N0DNJB:  but seemingly since this is the convention, there is little the singer can do other than what is commonly done in these situations, say to and/or of the bad-doer the idiom “What goes around, comes around” (Karma, per good Yahoo explanation).
        3. N0DNJI:  However
          1. N0DNMV:  I strongly suspect depending on any karma is a huge mistake; as while it feels good at the time, it appears scientifically very unlikely to be true (as depending on supernatural forces for which science increasingly shows even less evidence, plus depending that they are there for our welfare and to set things right)
            1. N0DO7O:  Seems we well forget here what virtually all history of laws & government have taught us:
              1. N0DNX2:  Should we think we should rid all our legal laws (thus also rid every government) because, due to say Karma, without laws, people will be civilized, crime will correct itself, and there will peace in the world? –I think most people (except maybe a few extremist anarchists) would well say a solid No, as indeed most all recorded human history well speaks to the opposite!
              2. N0DO8Y:  So then similarly it would seem similarly crazy to think not having well developed & strong laws or at least rules in the remainder social would be any different. And I do mean “the remainder” social, not say “social” vs. “legal” as if these are different domains.
                1. N0DOFB:  Remember not too many years ago (say as late as 1970s) sexual harassment and even assault, and a few decades before that, even rape, was considered “beyond the domains of legal” and so then often overlooked. Well then by that yes we’ve got more work todo, to codify the other lesser but still bad social offenses as standing people up, breaking up & quitting or removing and even ignoring for no good reason, etc…!

               

          N0DNQI:  So rather, we need make changes to our society, including our culture & conventions, to set things right:

          1. N0DNUJ:  to set things right by:
            1. N0DNUM:  to insure the convention is NOT to do these bad things, and
            2. N0DNUX:  when these bad things are done there are not wished, as Karma, but real appropriate corrective consequences because we are society insists on them, no different that we’d wouldn’t expect crime to be corrected if we didn’t have laws.
          2. N0DOLN:  And I’ve done a huge amount of publishing on that, such as on the blogger LoveRules site with slogan “Love Rules so Love Rules”.
  2. N0FKZW: http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/innovations/wp/2014/02/03/10-years-after-facebook-social-media-is-only-beginning-to-shake-up-the-world/?tid=hpModule_88854bf0-8691-11e2-9d71-f0feafdd1394

    1. N0FL48:  On title, instead of “is only beginning” I would say “has started notably”, as the contents of the article seems to concur.
    2. N0FL4B:  Provides a good overview of much the changes, though with few additional detail links & proof citations, mostly opinion but feels fairly accurate.
    3. N0FL6M:  ~.5hr ago, I found this on news of Facebook’s 10year birthday on http://news.google.com front page.