Nov 132012
 
 Posted by on PST2012.11.13Tue at 03:52 dating website M2KM2F, OkCupid M3ZRE7, SaberPen M7LS46  Add comments

MAZBVC:THIS POST

  1. MDAI9C:covers what the title says.
  2. MAYCNN:should be updated ~1x/month; simply re-load/refresh & check-back then.CUT:
  3. M87XAJ:(soon )has all key details BOLD with most-essential & -timely first.
  4. MAZBWQ:has SUBSECTIONS: WHATWHY, ALTERNATIVES POST TODO, FOOTNOTES, ADDITIONAL POST HISTORY.

MDFB2Z:WHAT

MDF3S2:As far as finding quality in-person long-term romance, I’m convinced present typical dating websites, including , OkCupid, simply will not work (else will not work reasonably) unless romance seekers, ESPECIALLY WOMEN, do these ESSENTIAL fairly-easy things the software can’t do for you, starting with the absolutely most important:

  1. MH6B4P: Overall: For OkCupid to really work for you, you need to know how it was designed to be used (spelled out here, since they are notoriously bad at explaining it) and use it that way –WOMEN-SEEKING-MEN should especially take note!

    1. MH6BGS:OkCupid has some masterful intelligence behind it so can find amazingly great matches, especially in terms of personality. But perhaps in their arrogance or simple English inability or perhaps real fear that no one bothers to read anyway, they tragically don’t fully explain what they’ve done and say almost 0 on the specifics you need to know & being doing to  make it work, so this guide spells the absolute most essentials of what you need to know & do  –to make  their brilliant (but terribly undocumented) software actually work wonders for you, instead of wasting yours & everyone’s time as it otherwise readily does.
    2. MH7C5A:The instructions I share here:
      1. MH7C8P:are all spelled out for you (most every key detail), so no guesswork & figure-it-out
      2. MH7CA1:are designed to be and probably are maximally healthy
      3. MH7CBA:will almost certainly assure success for you plus also help all those you interact with
        1. MH7D5Q:and NOT doing this will assure you poor results (including as bad as a pregnancy or baby or marriage with a man who’s a nightmare), plenty of romantic bitterness by both sexes, and 10s or 100s or maybe even 1000s of people, mostly men-seeking-women, gotten needlessly frustrated & upset
      4. MH7CBY:work great even if you’re the only one following this
      5. MH7CFF:have been published here starting 2012.11.13 and have been improved every month.
      6. MH7CG9:have been agreed upon & further publicized on the profiles of 2+ other men OkCupid users (see comments)
      7. MH7CQ8:Now (at this guide’s creation), those not doing this, so for which this guide was mostly written, are most all women-seeking-men
        1. MH7DJH:causing finding quality heterosexual relationships on dating sites to instead be nightmare (and typically just be a waste of time), for most all men-seeking-women, plus for many/most women-seeking-men, and probably for women-seeking-women.
          1. MH7G45:then encouraging & effectively forcing  men-seeking-women to then do nasty Pickup artist tricks as lying, negging, spamming, and many more, effectively disrespecting everyone one especially in the long term, because the women-seeking-men won’t behave healthily and positively respond to what’s healthy, indeed they won’t respond at all, i.e., actively-dismiss, to what’s healthy.
        2. MH7CYI:primarily because women-seeking-men are not biologically wired (as sociobiology well explains) and taught to destructively manage romance before their 1st in-person meeting with a possible mate, indeed
          1. MH7GHD:including today’s typical woman still:
            1. MH7GTE:per sociobiology, are biologically wired to be excessively picky (and excessively attach after sex, and have just 1 mate), even though the risks of sex are essentially all avoidable & fixable now.
            2. MH7GJ6:typically expect else only-reward-for healthy men to approach them in romance how they (a WOMAN) would approach romance (as personality 1st, then eventually looks & sex), not connecting else accepting that that healthy men are wired most opposite here.
            3. MH7GNJ:are mis-taught & mis-believe
              1. MH7GZP:MYTH: “In romance, especially in finding it, you mostly just need to follow your feelings” –in truth, to be long-term successful requires routinely enormous careful thought, routinely following what makes excellent sense but what isn’t intuitive and doesn’t immediately feel good due to being under the influence of the romance drug; one excellent example is  replacing jealousy with compersion; driving on the freeway under the influence would be easier!
              2. MH7H64:MISLEADING: “Quality romance happens (and should happen) when you’re not looking” –absolutely not true for most romantically healthy men (though many men say it is because they correctly sense women won’t hear otherwise); but, yes, typically sadly true for true for women, for without training, women’s thinking here (as excessive pickyness) typically does mess it up!
          2. MH7FFH:In marked contrast, men do have the training & coding to well-manage a perspective-mate before 1st in-person meeting, as well demonstrated by:
            1. MH7FTR:Men historically & biologically being the initiators in romance
            2. MH7FT6:the famous men-only dating site Bender, so successful it’s gotten several competitors copying it, but no equivalent success exists (that I’ve found) for a women-only dating site, and most certainly not because it hasn’t been thought of.
            3. MH7FY0:Men, and almost never women, developing & studying the technology & terminology of being a Pickup artist.
            4. MH7FVK:Seemingly only men founding all the dating applications & websites which are fairly sophisticated.
          3. MH7DL7:Indeed (women’s wiring & programming here) is so strong that even despite having it all spelled out for them (these great instructions, plus all their great benefits, really necessity (above)), I suspect almost all women-seeking-men are still not going to read & follow these instructions.
          4. MH7DR6:so my bet is the only solution will be new dating services which just set women up on dates without them 1st interacting (or even knowing) much with whom they are to meet beforehand
            1. MH7EME:For instance, what OkCupid’s Crazy Blind Date (my v2 review)HowAboutWe, and MDG55O (below) aspire to do.
          5. MH7DYP:but
            1. MH7DZP:developing such a service, and then convincing the modern liberated women to use it, is a huge task, including 100s of times bigger than writing up these instructions
            2. MH7E2G:and believing in women, I always hold out hope for the wise women able to show me wrong here
          6. MH7E3J:so I still write up & develop these instructions
        3. MH7CJW:but, seemingly for this last reason plus not advertising this much, I have not yet not yet gotten feedback comments from those most needing this so for whom this was primarily written, women-seeking-men, but of course would much like & need that.
  2. M7NUK2:FIRST & FOREMOST, most especially women:
    Happy-woman and a man meeting over coffeeSAFELY GO QUICKLY MEET ALL YOUR REMOTELY-REASONABLE PROSPECTS ASAP!!! 

    1. MDH432:With the present software, quality lasting “straight”/heterosexual, bisexual, and lesbian romance will NOT generally be found without you doing this!!! Instead everyone’s time will be majorly wasted, and a lot of hearts broken.
    2. MDGQVK:Specifically,
      1. MDGQWS:For EVERY person where all the following 5 tests are true:

        1. MDGR7L:the two of you have an OkCupid Match rating of say at least 75% based on at least 25 (“in common” questions=questions you’ve both answered) 
          1. MDGSKO:Have fewer that this number of questions in common? Then something is seriously wrong!
            1. MH6C9V:Check to make sure they’ve answered at least this # of questions, even if they aren’t in common. If they haven’t, then the’ve got the problem: send them a message to answer more Qs, ideally by looking at your answers else by comparing SaberPen‘s;  else don’t bother with them. But if  they have, then:
            2. MH6C56:Compare your answers to questions and answer those Qs the system suggests which are important to you, which will usually get you up to this minimum.
            3. MH6C7F:If that’s not enough, then click on your profile’s questions and answer more questions which are important to you.
          2. MH696K:Especially if OkCupid’s Match/Friend/Enemy ratings for the two of you would not be what you’d expect or want them to be,
            1. do any fixing your multiple-choice Qs that may be needed.
            2. MH6CPK:And if the person could be particularly important to you, you can also tell them to do the same. Just give them a link to this post.
          3. MH6F8Z:You may gradually raise/lower your minimum Match percent as the situation dictates.
            1. MH6F9M:If you are getting more possible matches (as inquiries  than you have time to meet, then are you allowing you need still need to (1) meet a lot of people inorder to find quality persons and (2) need to meet a person at least 3 times before you can start be sure a match is good?
              1. MH6FL2:If No, then you’re not budgeting aneough time to find someone quickly. You’ll need to budget more time now and/or allow it to take longer to find a quality match.
              2. MH6FM5:If Yes, then, yes, slowly raise your minimum Match % but also carefully fixing your multiple-choice Qs to insure that OkCupid’s ratings will be be appropriately accurate for that.
            2. MH6FMG:If you’re not finding enough people to go out with and/or fear you’ve set your minimum Match % realistically high, then gradually lower it.
          4. MDGSSX:OkCupid has then done it’s job so you don’t have to & shouldn’t judge much more (only the tests below) before 1st meeting!!

            1. MH70SZ:as if you’ve done what’s specified here (notably fixing your multiple-choice Qs and have this minimum # of questions in common), then in just an instant, a high OkCupid Match % (and low OkCupid Enemy %) says all of:
              1. MH73J4:an extremely high, deep, sincere compliment about the two of you (on your matching tastes and similar personality, integrity, and intelligence)
                1. MH73LY:so DO NOT MIS-THINK “It’s just a number, so is meaningless to me, perhaps especially in the social or romance.”; rather
                2. MH73SS:as it’s not only talking all about your matching tastes and similar personality, integrity, and intelligence, it’s very exactly measuring your compatibility here
                3. MH73MR:as it says both of:
                  1. MH70ZT:the two of you likely have matching tastes and very similar personality, intelligence, and (integrity=values including accuracy especially honesty)
                  2. MH722D:like you, the other person has high integrity including accuracy, especially honesty,  and likely intelligence, but ONLY-IF:
                    1. MH71IZ:if you have a high % Match with SaberPen or someone else who notably has high integrity (specifically, who makes value choices, even when under the influence of nature’s most powerful drug (romance), so that long-term everyone wins (usually requiring high intelligence else following an expert), including is accurate-especially-honest on OkCupid’s multiple-choice answers (so then is likely accurate-especially-honest with everyone) about what s/he actually does.
              2. MH72XC:(says) notably nothing about if two of you have compatible schedules and are geographically close so making in-person meetings possible, so that is handled by this additional test MDGRA8 (below).
              3. MH72Z6:(says) almost nothing about if the two of you will be physically compatible & attracted, so that’s handled by additional tests MDGQX6 and MDGR6S (both below)
              4. MH73C5:(says) generally nothing about certain related destructive behaviors, so that’s handled by additional test MDGRTX (below).
        2. MDGQX6:would be interested-in else open-to meeting you in-person

          1. MDGQZT:For those seeking men for romance, (unless you’re ok with the man mostly or entirely using you just for sex, maybe just a 1-night-stand, and probably not respecting you much), it’s very important that:
            1. MH6DAM:you have complete profile including full-body pics well showing off your figure.
            2. MH6DF8:the man shows pretty strong interest in meeting you without you’re having to do much (besides the complete profile).
              1. MH6DHI:And yes a good sign is if he came after you instead of you approaching him.
              2. MH6DRQ:A very GOOD sign is if he quickly & sincerely compliments you on your physical looks, especially that they are his type/taste.
              3. MH6DK0:A bad sign (but extremely common mistake, so common Pick-up-Arts cater to it) is thinking/reacting “If he quickly & sincerely comments positively about my looks, then I won’t respect & notice him much (perhaps because lots of guys do). But if he makes no or little comments on my looks, then he’s the type of guy who will respect me and think first about my personality.”   –believe this and you’ve got it backwards so will pick up the wrong guys & get manipulated.
              4. MH6DHT:A very bad sign is if you come after him thinking “Once he gets to know me, he may become more romantically attracted to me”
              5. MH746L:Putting this all together, a VERY good & strong sign is if he 1st messages you:
                1. MH761C:essentially just the following points:
                  1. MH748U:“OkCupid’s “You might like” just 1st told me about  you & recommended you to me.” –telling you how all & when he’s heard of you, so you know basically what he knows about you and where you’re getting your leads from.
                  2. MH74BX:“And indeed you are physically romantic type -very hot & sexy in my eyes.” –men & maybe butch lesbians (and only them) indeed should be measuring physical looks.
                  3. MH74WH:“And OkCupid rates us fairly high for me, “Match 76%, Friend 62%, Enemy 18%” based on 123 questions we’ve both answered.” –here he’s just given you, indeed the two of you, a sincere & very deep compliment  on your matching tastes & similar personality and integrity & intelligence, so he should not need to say any more on these things as, literally, he’s already just said plenty.
                  4. MH764W: “And OkCupid says we’re just “8 miles” away.” –answering geographic close
                  5. MH75V5: “When and where soon might you enjoy meeting?” –here he’s implied he’s fairly interested in meeting you in person and also effectively urging you to follow quickly-meet all your prospects.
                2. MH7637:Assuming the match % was fairly good match for you too, would this be the type of message for which you’d definitely set up a meeting if possible?  It certainly should be! So if it’s not, you want to work on reprogramming yourself so that it is, and that NOT causing you to meet are the messaging which typically typically trick women into meeting: messaging which neg you or which keep reminding you or which explicitly talks about your personality & values & tastes BUT ignores or dismisses that the two of you have a low Match rating or than you have few Qs which you both answered.
        3. MDGRA8:you two could readily meet in person

          1. MH767B:including typically that you’re geographically close
            1. MDGRKN:as say less than ~10 miles away
        4. MDGRTX:does NOT do destructive & typically-selfish things, specifically doesn’t do any of:
          1. MDGR0J:spams people; instead sends you & ideally-everyone a MINIMAL # of messages –insuring spamming doesn’t get one romance
          2. MDGRUI:is insincere, including:
            1. MH62K0:sends any message trying to appear custom but is actually generic message without saying that (as not in quotes since it’s just copy & paste)
            2. MH62NA:neggs you (unless it’s really relevant sincerity, so not negging)
          3. MDGRB3:mistreats you in any way you DON’T deserve
            1. MDGRXX:Note he/she should be allowed not to like you in every every way AND to say so.
        5. MDGR6S:and MAYBE 1 other small test
          1. MH6E0J:For men-only, and maybe butch lesbians, when full-figured-pics are included, a respectful test is  “Could I possibly enjoyably have sex with this person, given all other things are right”.
            1. MH6ERF: This is because the man needs to judge if he could potentially get decent hard-on, and that is done 1st based if the visual signals are right, and can be judged in seconds if well seeing the full figure.
          2. MH6E47:For everybody else (all women but maybe butch lesbians),  I strongly don’t recommend additional tests at this point (at least none I can think of), or at least the test should be very gentle.
            1. MH6E79:This is because females, for 1-billion years, wired to be super-picky in romance (a key finding of sociobiology) so when that romantic judgmental mind starts kicking in before she’s even met the person in-person, it really F-cks things up (she almost always becomes less-attracted or more-attracted than she should).
            2. MDG7H4:ImportantBefore 1st meeting (and maybe not until the 2nd or 3rd meeting), you do not need decide and SHOULD NOT TRY TO DECIDE for sure  if you really want to get sexual with this person.
              1. MDH0SD:Why?
                1. MDH0WG:One really needs good in-person experience to healthily make that decision; despite how impressive the web can be, info on an a web profile(s) is typically not enough
                  1. MDH14I:especially on dating sites where people typically use separate profiles with typically-unverified data.
                  2. MDH14M:-until we have say 3D hologram video including touch & smell & more, there really is no substitute for the in-person experience especially in romance.
                2. MDGA4M:Despite my great desire to empower both sexes, I must admit unlike men, women are not typically built to healthily make this decison fast, as please do not forget that the sexes, including human, aren’t created entirely identical, most especially in romance -or else we humans would all be the same 1-sex so reproduce via say spores like ferns or even more-primitive!  Moreover, even when men do decide super fast, they are only deciding “is this person ok for casual sex” not “for a lasting relationship”.
                3. MDH1NJ:Best of all, one now can have no pressure to decide before, as, for these reasons & more, this document makes not-allowed expecting any romance on the 1st meeting, so anyone endorsing/promoting this document must then agree to that unless he/she explicitly announces otherwise in advance in writing.
        6. MDH3JU:STOP!!! –that’s ALL the criteria you generally should weigh in before you 1st meet. Women especially, stop judging beyond this. Don’t worry, as OkCupid has already done all the before-you-meet profile review for you (the Match rating). So instead leave the deciding “DO we match” until after the 1st or 2nd in-person meeting at earliest!!!
      2. MDGRR2:Then simply go meet the person in-person 
        1. MDGS37:in a safe public place (as most any coffee shop)
        2. MDGS5W:for say 20 minutes (keep the 1st meeting short!!!)
          1. MDGSNC:Think of this like speed dating (which is typically just “3 to 8 minutes” for the 1st meeting with each person), except now since the dating computer (website) has better matched you, you can afford to spend a big longer in your 1st meeting, but no more than say ~3x longer, so you still get a chance to meet in-person everyone.
        3. MDG6UL:and ideally both of you bring your device for accessing the website(s) that bring you together (your laptop else tablet else smartphone)
        4. MDGS3L:so NOT electronically but there in-person you can:
          1. MDGW67:measure your IN-PERSON chemistry (since you’re seeking an in-person relationship/romance!) and
          2. MDGW7C:continue to talk there, including:
            1. MDGWA7:ask further questions, and
            2. MDGWAG:using your cool devices for accessing the websitereview & compare your dating/meeting site answers, especially those which brought you together now!
          3. MDGWRR:and together enjoy some coffee or other small drink or food!
          4. MDG6WW:And your 1st meeting should be ONLY for just that. Notably:
            1. MDGWXI:Your 1st meeting is ABSOLUTELY NOT a meeting to expect to kiss or make-out or get sexual;
              1. MDGXTA:Indeed you probably should do nothing more than a handshake, and MAYBE a hung if the feeling is mutual.
              2. MDGXI9:On the 1st meeting, if the chemistry is good AND it’s appropriate AND responsible AND there agreed, you can get romantic, even have crazy safe sex –unfortunately women & men often deny they get sexual so fast but rest assured they do plenty; BUT
              3. MDGY1N:On the 1st meeting:
                1. MDGY1W:you should NEVER expect ANY romance from the other person until that point which should also not be expected.
                2. MDGY2B:getting romantic/sexual is very risky because:
                  1. MDGY3M:there is sadly often a fair chance one or both of the people are cheating on another romance
                  2. MDGY6Q: natural feelings of attachment and jealousy grow but you still can’t violate rule MDGWZG:
            2. MDGWZG:Your 1st meeting is ABSOLUTELY NOT A MEETING TO GIVE AWAY YOUR ROMANTIC EXCLUSIVENESS OR NOR EVEN TO CUT OR END OR TAKE-LESS-SERIOUSLY YOUR CONTINUED ROMANTIC SEARCH!! 
              1. MDGYG0: –Yes even if everything seems-to-go perfectly and you’re finding yourself feeling attached or falling in love or perhaps just because you feel you could do no better, as then say “Ok, you are “the one”” (a bad concept to begin with) and promise or even expect to be romantically exclusive with the person. No, that’s absolutely not.
              2. MDGYJ0:As breaking this rule is:
                1. MDGYNR:not fair to your other prospects (yes, you need to care about them, if you expect prospects to truly care back for you) and
                2. MDGYPZ:especially not fair on you, as you need to be be making methodical decisions not impetuous ones, most especially in romance where “love is blind” and sex & romance is the most powerful natural drug we know of.
      3. MDGROE:and if further pruning of prospects is needed (as it may well be for men-seeking-women who can get say 30 messages/day), do as many as you can budget time for a methodical search, specifically:
        1. MDGZF2:A safe bet is to sort by reverse date of their FIRST message (so meet now the person who most recently firstmessaged you, and repeat)
          1. MDGZJA:Note this insures if they repeatedly message you, that WON’T give them any higher priority)
          2. MDGZJN:and if that’s not enough,
        2. MDGZ3C:On OkCupid, probably best to simply sort by decreasing OkCupid’s match rating, what it’s well designed to do.
        3. MDGZ4X:Unless there is nothing else to go by, on the 1st pass, picking who’s most handsome/good-looking or otherwise looks goodonline (before you’ve even meet) is probably a bad idea. After your 1st meeting, then definitely consider these other factors.
        4. MDGZK4:Please post/tell me your experiences so better solutions can be worked out, especially if this is still not enough which it may not be for those who attract many messages and/or have little time.
    3. MDG6SS:As if your goal is to be spending time in-person, then GO TRY IT!
      1. MDH37B:Despite how impressive the web is, you can’t really know how in-person will go until you try it some.
      2. MDG74N:Indeed try it with a lot of people.  Only with trying quantity do truly find quality –as to actually find “that 1 in a million” you need to have actually tried a million!
      1. MDG8KR:As the computer can only go so far, notably presently it can only just get you started; so
        only by really trying hanging-in-person, and with many people, will you find quality.
  3. MH630B:Manage your incoming messages respectfully, especially

    1. MH63DB:This section under reconstruction.
    2. MH6355:Do not let anyone’s message to you go unreplied unless you certain that they would not expect a reply.
    3. MH638C:Reply with your candid&full feelings about the activity proposed.
    4. MGW6JC: At least on OkCupid, killer problem #2: here, women I’m MOST romantically interested-in & serious-about are effectively NEVER replying, yes even if OkCupid notably suggests they do (notably by rating us a high match), yet the others are: women I’m only partially or not romantically interested in, and especially women who notably turn-me-off in some way so I ask them about that, these women ARE replying. And other men are effectively telling me they’re getting the same treatment, so causing men to do & recommend negging and other disrespect to ALL women they might date and to any future relationship, simply to have ANY relationship with you (women-who-do-this), and of course, since you are not behaving healthily here.
      1. MGW724: *So, WOMEN, IF SOMEONE MESSAGES YOU WHO SEEMS FAIRLY INTERESTED IN YOU (as writes you a lot), especially if also OkCupid suggests the two of you have a good or high match rating, THEN TYPICALLY YOU FOREMOST NEED TO BE REPLYING TO THEM AND CANDIDLY&FULLY TELLING THEM YOUR FEELINGS ABOUT SUCH A RELATIONSHIP, ideally just as they’ve shared their feelings
        1. MGW81N: **and OkCupid has made it totally safe for you to do this honestly&fully as by allowing you to operate under a pseudonym/handle, not giving out your physical location, etc.
        2. MGW87W: **else if you don’t do this:
          1. MGW7EW: ***you are going to end up replying to, and so meeting, the people who actually AREN’T going to have that much respect & care for you (and then you wonder why you keep getting hurt!)
          2. MGW7GB: ***and you will be notably disrespecting all those who did have a strong interest in you but you didn’t even reply to
            1. MGWD5R: ****including please remember you are using this service to solicit something here (as romance or friendship for yourself); so then when people take their time to personally & reasonably look at what you’re asking for and reply to you back to you with something that could match based on what you’ve advertised for, you are wrong in-general every time you didn’t appropriately reply back them (when they likely would want a reply).
              1. MGWDRS: *****So if a person responds to you with something that doesn’t match what you want but in a way that you didn’t yet well-say in your solicitation (as perhaps you want a someone taller or a particular race or religion or looks, but you didn’t clearly say that in your solicitation), then you STILL need to reply to them saying that (
            2. MGW9YO: ****and don’t think that social litter you do just vanishes because it’s not in your backyard, or perhaps just because you don’t see & face in-person the person you wrong; no, it frustrates&hurts&embitters folks, and ironically the very ones who tried to care for you, so who then often take out their deserved anger on others undeserving, or at least are left as one more person made unhappy in our world, since since you caused it but ran.
              1. MGWAQ7: *****It’s one planet we’re all on, so all pollution we do, including the most casual social litter, ends up coming back to us.
    5. MGY6YQ: If you are getting overloaded with responses of those finding you attractive, here are 2 respectful things I see you should do:
      1. MGY72C: Add to your profile, seemingly in the “You should message me” section, add the following: “MGY7LC: As one of my respondents <<SaberPen>> rightfully convinced me to say here to everyone, ” then continue with what you told m here: “I [used to] answer all my messages[ from my profile here,] but over time I realized that there is not enough time in the day to respond to every message that finds me attractive [and I feel very bad about that]. I work, I go to school, I have personal long term projects, and I am rebuilding a new life in a new city all at the same time.” then continue “To give you some picture of the response I’m getting, after putting up my profile on date ___, I get an average of __ new people per day sending me nice messages and wanting a reply to me, and I respond to about __% of them. If you’re one of the ones I don’t reply to, please let me apologize in advance. Also before I was not fully appreciative of how much it hurt folks not to get responded to after they replied with a nice message to my profile soliciting them, I misthinking I was just wasting our time to reply if I likely wasn’t going to see them, including not realizing how important it to still say `Thank you’, plus not realizing that, by candidly&fully responding with why I didn’t think I was interested, there was also a lot I could improve on as then seeing I wasn’t fully being realistic my own romance goals & search. But both of these as <<SaberPen>> helped me see; yeah unfortunately I was so self-assured that he had to pretty strongly & cleverly appropriately message me to get me to face what I was doing and change my ways a bit, but in hindsight I’m glad he cared enough to really do that for me.”.
      2. MGY926: **Then whenever anyone sends you a nice message, respond with “MGY92Y: This a boilerplate response. Thank you for your nice message. I will try to eventually carefully read & reply to it, but due to the many new people contacting me, I may not be able to do that; but I can assure that you can see the latest status of my inquiries and my responses on my profile in the “You should message me” section point MGY7LC.”
  4. MDF5QB:EVERYONE *FIX* YOUR OkCupid MULTIPLE-CHOICE ANSWERS.

    1. MDG4QT:–as unfortunately OkCupid‘s computer isn’t smart enough to help you if you give it bad or mistaken requests; indeed it swallows down bad & mistaken requests without a word.
    2. MDG4R8:Tragically MOST women I see here (and probably many men, too) are notably rating down mates (me and MANY more) they should be rating up (and then of course then rating up bad matches they should be rating down),

      1. MDG4UD:by ROUTINELY doing both:
        1. MDG4SA:bad romance choices so answers-here, notably from (feeling, NOT THINKING) what’s important to good romance
          1. ME36D4:Fortunately on OkCupid this can be fixed very easily by just following an expert: just follow Do we (you & SaberPen) not have an OkCupid match rating >~90%? In particular, do some of our OkCupid answers disagree..?.
        2. MDG4SQ:mis-understanding else mis-following OkCupid’s 2 meta-questions about how your match should answer (NOT be)
          (1) “Answers I’ll accept…” especially and
          (2) “This question is…

          1. ME3ZVS:The core problem seems to be OkCupid semi-poorly wording these questions every time the website asks them.
            1. ME42O4:probably due to some original designer very mistakenly choosing aesthetics-as-brevity over clarity in order make-appear-simpler-than-actually-is the impressive-and-appropriate-but-semi-complex OkCupid’s match scoring algorithm in order to sell it to the unfamiliar public.
            2. ME42U4:It’s possible that the algorithm is too complex for many people to get the basics of what they need to do to properly use it, but I think with a good explanation, starting of course with accurate wording(!), then nearly everyone who can fill out a web form can understand it.
          2. ME42JJ:The problem specifically is:
            1. ME3ZXV:OkCupid’s question “Answers I’ll accept…”,
              1. ME4102:answerers typically seem to think it means “Ways I’d allow my match to be for this situation” which is certainly what it sounds like; but
              2. ME40TS:it really means “Answers I’d allow my match to give/have for this question” according to the way it’s used by OkCupid’s match scoring algorithm
                1. ME40XF:so should be called that or the equivalent
                  1. ME40XX:but hasn’t been probably since some original designer very mistakenly choose aesthetics-as-brevity over clarity here
            2. ME41VX:OkCupid’s question “This question is…”,
              1. ME41Y5:answerers often probably think it means something as “How important for you is this answer you give for yourself” which is certainly what it sounds like; but
              2. ME423J:it really means “How important to you is it that your match answer this question as you just specified in the prior question” according to the way it’s used by OkCupid’s match scoring algorithm
                1. ME425R:so should be called that or the equivalent
                  1. ME429M:but hasn’t been probably since some original designer mistakenly choose aesthetics-as-brevity over clarity here
          3. M7PA9B:The most common indeed routine mistake here, if the Q is about your partner NOT you, a typical problem is your “What I will accept” and “Importance” setting is messed up: but it’s easy to fix, here’s how -see that link.
      2. MDG4VP:Yes, via those 3 solution links, it’s very easy to fix these extremely common problems! But only you the answerer can fix it, so please do!
    3. MH6J7Y:Routinely improving & comparing your answers to most-important Qs –what OkCupid was designed to do!

      1. MDH3TZ:–especially by reviewing what makes you score high or low with others, as starting with me –follow that article, the fastest way to clean up your answers.
      2. MH6APJ:Many people seem to answer each multiple-choice question 1-time quickly, without whatever their gut-level response is and often without putting an explanation, and never reanswer it again, apparently not thinking they ever would need to. But this is not what OkCupid is designed for, especially on the important Qs.
      3. MH68ZP: For at least the important multiple-choice Qs, OkCupid designed for, and works best when, you routinely compare your answers with other people’s answers, especially when others who might be important to you, and especially when there is disagreement in the answers (some red is shown), one or both of you reconsider your answers and provide explanation.
      4. MH6AZI:OkCupid was designed for and works best when you compare your answers with others, especially when the Match/Friend/Enemy ratings OkCupid generates is not what you would expect (as doesn’t match your attraction to the person for other reasons).
      5. MH69LW:And for each such answer comparison, do the following roughly in order:
        1. MH69O4:read & consider what the other person does & any explanation they give.
        2. MH69OI:consider what the most healthy thing to do is (if there is one, which often there is)
        3. MH69R9:consider if do what is most healthy else could you now change to do that.
        4. MH69SK:make sure your answer is what you actually do (so accurate especially honest)
          1. MH69XT:do NOT answer what will get you the most matches (men-seeking-women, take note!!); instead:
          2. MH6A0N:Might your matches too much judge you for your honest answer? Then
        5. MH69VX:make sure you’ve got an explanation explaining your answer, ideally fully
          1. MH6JNA:what you do here (plus what you’d like the other person to answer and how important that is, especially since OkCupid doesn’t display this to other people),
          2. MH6JOV:including showing that you’ve considered the other person(s)’s explanations.
    4. ME3EEA:Please follow these above 2 solutions so to give OkCupid good multiple-choice Q data, notably your healthy & careful & correct choices, so its very impressive rating algorithm can actually work for you & everyone!
  5. MDG68P:FOR WOMEN: follow “How most women can have at least 1 stable man romance within 2 months if she just follows instructions” when that article is finished.

  6. MDGGQY: the people who DON’T spam you and are sincere & straight with you, reply to them, indeed reply to them first!

    1. MDGH29:Yes they are probably not (at first) be the most tantalizing (& button-pushing), but then by that very token, they are the most real.
  7. MDGB90:Spread the Word!

    1. MDGBAD:Notably, as I have, put near the top of your OkCupid profile’s “My self-summary” text the OkCupid code:

      MDGBG3: <strong>”Enable OkCupid to work for you & everyone: 2+ absolute essentials, plus <<SaberPen>>’s experience.”</strong> –Read <a href=”http://1.JotHere.com/3800#MDF9HD” rel=”” target=”_blank”>this</a>!, women especially.

  8. MDF4MY:More recommendations coming, but the above, especially the 1st 2, are truly essential.

MDGOA1:WHY

SaberPen 1st meeting a pretty lady he then dated

MDGCPT:Me SaberPen, during the regular county-wide Android community meeting I founded & oversee (this one 2011.11.16), also having the opportunity to 1st meet, help-out, & ask-out, one of the lovely ladies joining us; as one might guess from her smile, she quickly said Yes.

MDH5AK:Here’s the problem by way of my SaberPen‘s own story, which is entirely typical.

  1. MDH55E:I’m your nice hetrosexual guy seeking local in-person romance & friends.
  2. MDF0SP:And IN-PERSON, I meet plenty of people in life, both men & women, and I spark up relations routinely & fairly-easily and of all types: friends, work buddies, romances, etc.
  3. MDF0YW:So the only reason I came to online meeting & dating as OkCupid is to find deeper relationships, more quality, (specially personality match, and less time investing in relationships with no future. Especially as an MIT CS grad, I can tell you, computers have the potential to significantly help us humans here, especially with the sophisticated algorithm OkCupid uses.
  4. MDF0I5:But so far the only productive use of my OkCupid profile I’ve found is to tell people I’ve already met & know in person more about me & see how we match; and for THAT purpose, it has worked rather well, so why I keep updating my profile.
  5. MDF12D:But what about 1st meeting people via this site OkCupid??
    1. MH5PWK: highest rated in DatingSitesReviews.com
    2. and I find the site very addictive, asking me all sorts of interesting romance questions and constantly luring me with recently online pretty gals who often appear my type or not far from it, however:
    3. MDF29Z:It’s behaving just as would be expected, indeed as seems tragically typical for today’s dating sites for ANY man-seeking-women who is honest & upfront and looking for quality (not just for sex), even a guy like me with much achievements and who, IN-PERSON, routinely & fairly-easily sparks up plenty of relationships):
      1. MH5NQ1: 2012.05 I joined OkCupid, creating my profile SaberPen, and have been using it pretty heavily since (until noted below otherwise)
      2. MDF4KY:As of 2012.11.13: very negative ROI: ~33hours of work but 0 meetings in person, but did “get” from it was the feeling of being heavily & wrongfully rejected.
        1. MH60DT: I’ve met 0-people in-person
        2. MH60EK:I only got 1 phone # (and for a date where the gal then flaked), and
        3. MH60ET:despite my carefully selecting ~70 local women & some men from this site and reading every profile & carefully sending each a personal (each taking ~20min each, NOT counting searching) plus ~15hours total replying (in often endless talk but no meeting) to those VERY FEW who did reply (most notable, of the ~55 I was messaging because I 1st found them here & was interested in meeting, only 7, so ~13%, replied);
      3. MH5NYQ:As of 2013.01.24 (so now for 10months) I’ve probably invested a total of ~200 hours on OkCupid but it has produced me only 1 actual date which was very disappointing including arguable false advertising but ~100 false promises (women & people who didn’t respond mostly, else didn’t follow thru).

        1. MFK9C1: Persons I’ve first met here who actually followed thru on meeting in person is just 1:
          1. MH57OK:  the only date I got, with Kyrathustra, was very disappointing with no future, including arguably false advertising.
            1. MH613Q:Our date was in 2012.12, a ~22hr marathon with a 28yr old gal who was smart & talented but pretty messed up (both mentally, & physically -her profile didn’t show it either) who I found out during she hadn’t really read my profile and was apparently just routinely picking up semi-random guys online to have over to her place to  get loaded (drinking & smoking pot) and have casual one-night stands with; within 5min of our 1st meeting she had me over to her place to get plastered and say the the night with her, but I was too turned off by her to have sex with her; perhaps from my expressing a faction of my disappointment, she afterwards would never return my messages.
            2. MFK773: a woman fairly smart, creative, & talented, but quickly-rather-disappointing and seemingly-messed-up, in regards to her being a friend and/or romance, plus her own physical health, plus seemingly her career & school & family & drug-use, and more: Kyrathustra –it now seems she was just looking with for casual romance/sex with most anyone (against my profile wishes, but now seems she didn’t much read that), including she she told me she picks up a new guy on OkCupid in ~1/2 hour, often “unsafely” (her words, not mine) immediately inviting these guys from the dating sites to her home with no checks, including she didn’t follow-so-read any the links on my profile (so actually had no verification anything I said there was true! She was just lucky), just immediately had me buy her booze then take me to her apartment to drink, smoke, & stay there overnight & most of the next day (though I still would not have sex with her, just kiss a little & cuddle), and where she wanted us to be plastered all the time including what she called “wake & bake” (yes, a few hours I could do (though foreign to me), but not being plastered all weekend which she said was her custom, though her profile didn’t alert me of that); then afterwards, and most offensively of all, she did not return any of my messages/calls, apparently because I didn’t find her that sexually attractive enough (but is that a requirement to be friends, and despite all the weight she’s put on? -I should hope not!). Overall, after showing great talent in her flimmaking, sadly her life in many ways seemed to be going down hill though routine substance abuse (every weekend, all weekend), unverified OkCupid & CraigsList guys to her home overnight with her for casual romance, & possibly more, but she made clear she wasn’t going to allow me, her parents, and probably anyone, help save her.
          2. MFK88Y: I’ve met no others.
        2. MFK872: I had 2 women promised to meet but then not followed thru, including:
          1. MFK8KC: ****nozomi_koi casually & cruelly reversed herself & canceled out on our date not even 3hrs prior, then refused respond, merely because I SMSed her “Long quite looking fwd to it :-) (BTW,kindly bring ur laptop so we can more easily compare our OKCupid answers &u can read some of my publications,&more. :-” (she replied “I am afraid i can’t go. i don’t bring laptop on a date. sorry about that.” and, apparently quite UN-sorry, refused to reply ever again.
        3. MFK945: ~10 women have wasted 10s of hours (combined) trying to judge (and likely mis-judging) our match online when a 5 or 10 minute in-person meeting as was well-suggested by OkCupid would be all that it would take.
          1. MFK998: A notable example is lotusohms, clearly a smart woman, indeed someone whom I credit for posting-on & establishing a baseline OkCupid match % (which she & I well exceed by the way), but one who then does the leading & killer mistake of women in romance: turns off her rational brain!
        4. MH5P21:I’ve now invested ~40 hours writing up documentation as this page, mostly on JotHere, referenced from my dating profile & other mens’ dating profiles, trying to instruct chiefly women how to use OkCupid & dating sites to give themselves & everyone results, as, unless men-seeking-women are to be dishonest & incomplete, it seems impossible for them to fix the problem.
      4. MDF2AY:Compare this to just typically seconds it requires me in-person to meet someone new & interesting, and there she-or-he replies to me ~98% of the time (not ~13%), and about 50% of the time within 5min or often less, I also get her/his get REAL name, cell #, email address, plus often set up a 1st meeting.
      5. MDGEAT:So what the heck is going wrong online?
    4. MDF2DX:Well online dating “experts” (PUAs and even women) tell me I need to instead be doing all sorts of tricks online
      1. MDGEHB:as, instead of being sincere, “don’t reveal much” (except nice pics yourself as playing with kids that too-easily sells women) and “be an unobtainable mystery” and “use cocky funny and negging“) plus send 100s of FAKE-personal messages and not care if only ~1% reply. Indeed:
        1. MDGEHT:This is exactly what I see one guy Chris does which his good friend assures me is getting him one-night stands every night (via Plenty of Fish)).
        2. MDGETH:Per “negging“, sadly the only situation which I personally found clearly DOES get the women on OkCupid to reply (about ~80%, indeed the vast majority of the cases when women did reply to me) was tragically NOT because I said I liked them but ironically only because I messaged them about something I suspected could actually be seriously wrong with them based on how they made their profile; so, no these were the cases where  typically DIDN’T want to date them, just helping them out as any good samaritan should; moreover, in these situations where they most needed to take me seriously (as it was now their welfare, not mine) tragically they took me the least seriously, including one women replied “It looks like you might be attempting negging” -but I had never even heard of the word, nor would remotely try such sick behavior, and even though I now see women apparently allow it to work, and tragically instead of replying to the positive, straightforward, & sincerely-interested messages.
      2. MDGEID:BUT 
        1. MDGEJS:it should be noted that these dating “experts” are also typically men (who unlike me) are perfectly happy with casual sex or women who can see no other way besides mass-spammy messaging.
        2. MDGGJE:Plus what sort of (insecure) person does one really get if they are virtually only attracted by criticizing them?
        3. MDGEKG:And I’m “sorry”, but treating people I want to build a quality relationship with as mailing lists and someone to randomly criticize, plus being unknown and fake and getting a new one-night-stand every night, that is absolutely NOT my idea of quality!
    5. MDH4VJ:Now I would like online meeting to work, for me & everyone, and it’s possible & not too hard, but currently it depends on you: notably simply see & do the essentials in WHAT

MCYO1K:ALTERNATIVES

  1. MDG533:Smarter computers to manage the social? -as so humans don’t have to be :-) -or where they don’t. It’s probably years away (so in the meantime it’s up to the participants), but it’s coming
    1. MDG55O:as via here.

MDE167:POST TODO, roughly in order:

  1. -none.

MDAIRC:FOOTNOTES

  1. MDG6DZ:“75%” is average of my 75% guess and a woman’s 76% request.
  2. MDH1DB:Why I feature this rule?
    1. MDH2CW:People, especially women, trying-to-decide and/or deciding this before 1st meeting (notably thinking “I can only go 1st meet him if I’m fairly sure I want to have sex with him”) I am suspecting to be one of the biggest roadblocks to their then not doing this M7NUK2.
      1. MDH2AQ:And my guess is women are doing this because
        1. MDH2BH:having the mis-belief they should be like men.
        2. MDH2E1:especially with so many men/people strongly soliciting them online in contrast to in-person, they feel like “a lot of penises coming at them” (a lot of romantically/sexually desperate unknown guys/people), so feel pressured that that anyone they pick will “of course” want to have fast sex with them, including to perhaps “seal the deal” (exclude out the others), and perhaps they are right (with so much competition, the average solicitor would do this), so then are quite multiple-stranger-pressured to only pick a guy/person they are sure they could have sex with, and even though this in with reality for why NOT do this.

M31R7R:POST HISTORY, in order:

  1. MDF8X3:Just wrote this as the 1st section “MDF4OP: ***Make this site work for you & everyone! It’s NOT hard.***” of “My self-summary” of my OKCupid profile but there it was hard to read, overloaded the space, and couldn’t be readily referenced by other users without say copying it and then having similar problems.
  2. MDF9GI:so now created this post
    (on laptop in couch) At work, taken 2004.12.19.

    MD9RBY:At work developing a high-order functional logic that can also serve as a programming language, taken 2004.12.19.

    1. MA0XOK:How:
      1. MA0Y30:create by doing Copy to a new draft of http://1.JotHere.com/3780#MD96EJ latest release MDEAJ1.
      2. MAFH1U:edit to fit, including giving fresh IDs to whole & history items.
  3. Wall-E alone on a trash pile he works on, looking up at the stars hopingMDFCCM:1st published version.
  4. MDFHTU:completed q(MDFBPM:reformat text to current standards.) removing q(MDFB8R:Original unabridged text)
  5. MDGAPR:notably expanded the text.
  6. MDGARC:In now referencing this in my OKCupid profile, I realized an important point, especially relevant there, is that it includes my personal experiences; also I realized “It’s NOT hard.” is not that essential; so do to include this, retitled from(Make OkCupid work for you & everyone! It’s NOT hard. 2+ absolute essentials) to present; pst2012.11.13tue1633.
  7. MDGH7C:added pic MDGCPT plus a meeting pic; added to MDF2DX; pst2012.11.13tue1823.
  8. MDH5MB:In response that Home-Geek that the list of action-items needs to go first, create a subsequent WHY section for the formerly-prior material; format WHAT with headings; M7NUK2: completely rewrite & notably extend; to see if it has anything to be incorporate here, review new super-shorted semi-rewrite of this /3805: don’t find anything but it’s quite amusing in it’s semi-correct super-approximations.
  9. MDH6MK:Home-Geek didn’t like the present titke q(Make OkCupid work for you & everyone! 2+ absolute essentials, plus my SaberPen‘s experience.) saying “sounds like advertising” though the best rewrite he could come up with was q(How to get the most from OKCupid) and extended references mentioned there, which are not strong enough; however I think about how title can be improved and essentially replace “Make” with “Enable” -less-advertising sounding plus accurately stronger; pdt2012.11.14wed0340.
  10. ME3HKC:MDF5QB: full rewrite with several improvements; pst2012.11.26mon0438.
  11. ME3YB6:~12 hrs ago, start planning to refer to MDG4SQ again, now to NatureGirl_28,  so:
  12. ME46T6:MDG4SQrewrite to include the full (&now official) explanation for this top-level situation; ; pst2012.11.26mon1403.
  13. MH5NEZ: As no choice, now editing with WordPress 3.5 (3.5.1) which causes anchor corruption which will need undoing when that’s possible.
  14. MH5PX1:Move text from my http://okcupid.com/profile/SaberPen/#essay_4 specifically from “MFK76R: **http://OkCupid.com” to within MDF12D.
  15. MH62S6:Move text from my http://www.okcupid.com/profile/SaberPen/#essay_0 specifically MGW6JC to within MDF3S2 or MH630B, raising essentials from 2+ to 3+; pst2013.01.24Thu2011.
  16. MH6JR6:updating the 1st 3 sections of MDF3S2, including adding MH6B4P & MGY6YQ; more cleanup needed.
    1. MH7I0J:~7hrs more work done here, but a good more to do.